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Articles by
JoJo Franzen
JoJo Franzen likes maple syrup, green things, and destroying her friends and enemies in competitive board games.
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October 30, 2020My Sexy Nurse Costume Is Going to Be So Hot Once I Get My Hands On Some Food Service Gloves and a Pair of Used Ski Goggles
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October 9, 2019Pumpkin Spice: Now For Men
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June 21, 2018Reviews of New Food: Sprinkles’ Cupcake ATM and Haribo Starmix
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April 9, 2018Reviews of New Food: Whole Foods’ Coconut Date Rolls and the Impossible Burger
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November 20, 2017Turkey Recipes for Thanksgiving 2017, a Year in Which We Are Thankful and Definitely Not Crying
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May 27, 2016Ways in Which We Swipe Right After 34
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October 15, 2024I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About
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September 20, 2024It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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October 28, 2024The Starfleet Gazette Will Not Be Endorsing a Candidate for President of the United Federation of Planets
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November 1, 2024I Will Be Away from My Desk on November 6
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November 1, 2024270 Reasons: Because on January 6, I Was More Afraid Working at the Capitol Than During My Entire Army Deployment to Iraq
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November 1, 2024Template for Donald Trump’s “I Don’t Accept the Election Results” Speeches
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October 31, 2024This Election Wouldn’t Be So Close If My Historically Unpopular Opponent Wasn’t Such a Shrewd Campaigner