McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
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Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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November 21, 2024Linda McMahon Is Ready to Pile-Drive the Department of Education
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November 18, 2024I’m a Guardrail, and I Don’t Know What the Fuck You People Want from Me
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November 15, 2024I’m Robert F. Kennedy Jr., and It’s Time to Build a Healthcare System for 2025 BCE
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October 24, 2024I Am Chucky, and This Is My MasterClass
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October 2, 2024JD Vance, a Very Normal Human Man, Sells Used Cars
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August 14, 2024I’m Sorry If My Past Actions Made Me Seem Like a Good Person
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May 24, 2024I Am the Only Person on the Fury Road Who Still Drives a Sensible Car
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May 23, 2024I’m Voting for Him, Not Endorsing Him—There’s a Huge Difference
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May 14, 2024I’m the Word “Utilize” and I’m Loving Every Moment of Your Overblown Rhetoric
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May 3, 2024I’m the Architect of the Death Star, and I Swear They Told Me I Was Designing a Military Resort
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April 11, 2024The Flu My Four-Year-Old Brought Home for Spring Break Addresses My Hope of Not Catching It
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April 10, 2024I Am Your Thirty-Fourth Browser Tab, Begging You to Reopen Me
Trending 🔥
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November 13, 2024Sure, I Voted for Someone Whose Policies Might Kill You, but Now’s the Time to Put Aside Our Differences
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November 14, 2024An Open Letter from the Other Side of the World to the 50.2 Percent of Americans Who Probably Won’t Read This and the 48.1 Percent Who Might
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November 8, 2024Updates on the Arc of the Moral Universe
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November 11, 2024Wow, Trump Has Already Fixed So Many Problems That Definitely Existed
Recently
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November 25, 2024How to Give Thanks by Cooking Food No One Knows How to Cook and Eating Food No One Likes to Eat
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November 24, 2024Finally, I Can Quit the Workforce to Devote Myself to Mothering and Fighting Dust Storms
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November 22, 2024Reasons That I, a Trans Woman, Have Had to Use the Bathroom at My Workplace
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November 22, 2024Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Filmmaker and Musician Boots Riley