ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Quoth the Baby,
“Waah. Waah. Waah”With apologies to Edgar Allan Poe. -
The Trump Campaign Distrances Itself from Tony Hinchcliffe’s Joke About Puerto Rico Because It Was Not Actually a Joke
“Trump believes Puerto Rico is no laughing matter, considering it’s a very real island made entirely of floating refuse. It’s unfortunate that Hinchcliffe would walk back on his comment rather than double down as Trump so courageously does in these situations.” -
Spooky Sounds for the Socially Anxious
Excerpts from Side A of this year’s worst-selling Halloween cassette tape. -
The Starfleet Gazette Will Not Be Endorsing a Candidate for President of the United Federation of Planets
“Sure, The Borg have been a bit of a problem. Their tendency toward mass assimilation and the stripping of individuality and personal freedom doesn’t exactly jibe with our idea of what makes a great leader. But let’s be honest. Kathryn Janeway hasn’t been perfect.” -
Lists
If Horror Movies
Reflected Your
Actual Fears“Michael Myers breaks through your front door. He informs you that your son volunteered you to bring a ‘homemade sweet treat’ to the kindergarten holiday parade, which is in two hours.”
Trending
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October 15, 2024I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About
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October 15, 2024Is It Perimenopause or the Fascist Death Knell of Late-Stage Capitalism?
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September 20, 2024It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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October 18, 2024What Your Twelve-Foot Home Depot Skeleton Says About Your Recent Divorce
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October 24, 2024So, You’re Addicted to Reading the Polls
Interviews, Essays, and Excerpts
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October 29, 2024270 Reasons: Because I Want the American Experiment to Continue
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October 28, 2024270 Reasons: Because Kamala Harris Is an Ally to the Queer Community
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October 25, 2024270 Reasons: Because She Won’t Eliminate the Department of Education
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October 24, 2024270 Reasons: Because Now Is the Time to Fight for Our Planet
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October 23, 2024270 Reasons: Because Kamala Knows That Immigrants Are America’s Strength
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October 22, 2024270 Reasons: Because She Supports a Ban on Assault Weapons
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October 21, 2024270 Reasons: Because You Shouldn’t Throw Your Vote Away
Over in the Store
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“A key barometer of the literary climate.” —The New York Times
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This item is a preorder. Rosamond Lehmann in Vegas will be released in early fall 2024. To preorder it for just five dollars when you subscribe to The Believer, click here. A collection of...
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“A beautiful magical artifact for every wizard's library!”
—Pendleton Ward, Emmy-award winning creator of Adventure Time -
“It's not just that I trust Sam Sax's imagination. My sincere belief is that Sam's creative freedom unlocks the potential for our liberation.”
—Saeed Jones
Recent Posts
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October 25, 2024Here’s the Pitch
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October 24, 2024So, You’re Addicted to Reading the Polls
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October 24, 2024I Am Chucky, and This Is My MasterClass
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October 24, 2024They Don’t Tell You This in the Hot Dog Handbook
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October 23, 2024A Stump Speech by a Mayoral Candidate Who Just Learned the Werewolves Terrorizing the Town Might Endorse Him
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