McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
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Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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March 12, 2025I’m Chunk’s Mother, and No, He Did Not Consult Me Before Telling Sloth He Could Live with Us
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February 25, 2025I’m a Typo, and in This Age of AI, I’m the Real Hero
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February 21, 2025Why I Chose to Reenter the Matrix and Be a Living Battery for the Machines
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February 11, 2025I Vow to Fight Autocracy with Unprecedented Levels of Finger Wagging
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February 11, 2025As an Elected Republican Who Believes in the Rapture, This Is My Chance to Shine
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February 10, 2025Normalizing Indian Hate Makes Me a Good Father and Husband
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December 19, 2024I Am Whoville’s Only Home Insurance Provider, and I Am So Screwed
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December 18, 2024I’m an Apple News+ Article. Come and Get Me, Baby
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December 16, 2024Baby, It’s Me, Polio, and I’ve Missed You
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December 12, 2024I’m a Hairy and Disaffected Accountant Competing on the Popular Mid-2000s TV Game Show Wipeout
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December 9, 2024I’m the Music Supervisor for All Those Netflix Reality Dating Shows
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November 21, 2024Linda McMahon Is Ready to Pile-Drive the Department of Education
Trending 🔥
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March 10, 2025As an American Jew, I Feel Completely Reassured for My Safety Now That Trump Has Targeted the Epicenter of American Antisemitism, Columbia University
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March 18, 2025Senator Schumer Votes to Let the Big Wooden Horse into Troy
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March 12, 2025DOGE-Inspired Spring Cleaning
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March 5, 2025Short Conversations with Poets: Dong Li
Recently
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March 25, 2025The Plan to Bomb the Middle East Finally Made It Out of the Group Chat
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March 25, 2025Acknowledgements
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March 24, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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March 24, 2025My Mother-in-Law Wouldn’t Complain If She Didn’t Get Her Social Security Check, Because She Would Be Dead