McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
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Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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February 21, 2025Why I Chose to Reenter the Matrix and Be a Living Battery for the Machines
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February 11, 2025I Vow to Fight Autocracy with Unprecedented Levels of Finger Wagging
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February 11, 2025As an Elected Republican Who Believes in the Rapture, This Is My Chance to Shine
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February 10, 2025Normalizing Indian Hate Makes Me a Good Father and Husband
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December 19, 2024I Am Whoville’s Only Home Insurance Provider, and I Am So Screwed
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December 18, 2024I’m an Apple News+ Article. Come and Get Me, Baby
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December 16, 2024Baby, It’s Me, Polio, and I’ve Missed You
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December 12, 2024I’m a Hairy and Disaffected Accountant Competing on the Popular Mid-2000s TV Game Show Wipeout
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December 9, 2024I’m the Music Supervisor for All Those Netflix Reality Dating Shows
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November 21, 2024Linda McMahon Is Ready to Pile-Drive the Department of Education
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November 18, 2024I’m a Guardrail, and I Don’t Know What the Fuck You People Want from Me
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November 15, 2024I’m Robert F. Kennedy Jr., and It’s Time to Build a Healthcare System for 2025 BCE
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February 10, 2025Voting for the Mayor Who Promised to Blow Up the City Doesn’t Mean I Approve of the Mayor Blowing Up the City
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February 5, 2025Here at DOGE, We’ve Streamlined Every Aspect of America’s Collapse
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February 13, 2025Finally, My Tax Dollars Are Being Used to Uncover Publicly Available Government Information
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February 4, 2025An Accurate Organizational Chart of Your University
Recently
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February 21, 2025Don’t Tread on Me—Unless You’re a Billionaire with a Ketamine Addiction, in Which Case I Enthusiastically Support It
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February 21, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Finding Win Ng
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February 21, 2025Why I Chose to Reenter the Matrix and Be a Living Battery for the Machines
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February 20, 2025Take Him Seriously, Not Literally