ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Reasons That I, a Trans Woman, Have Had to Use the Bathroom at My Workplace
“A male coworker said something unhinged in a meeting, and I needed to debrief with the other female coworker who was in the meeting.” -
The Dread Lord Nyarlathotep Presidential Library
Something about President-Elect Nyarlathotep’s Unholy Rebirth Feels Weird, Right?
“He’s, like, infused with a hollow malice that knows absolutely no reason, remorse, or decency? It all suddenly feels pretty damn bleak, if I’m being honest.” -
I’m a Good, Normal Family Man Who Just Wants to Inspect Your Genitals Before You Pee
“As a God-fearing citizen, I want the Ten Commandments in every classroom, a sexual predator in every cabinet position, and for a good man—like me, for instance—to stand sentry outside every bathroom door in America.” -
Welcome to Bluesky, but Maybe Take it Down a Notch?
“Sorry about all the crashes. In my defense, I wasn’t designed for this big a wave of new subscribers. I’m holding myself together with scotch tape, faith in a decentralized social network, and a few lines of code that Jack Dorsey thought of in the shower.” -
Short Imagined Monologues
Linda McMahon Is Ready to Pile-Drive the Department of Education
“Change in our schools must start with how we allocate our funds. The education budget is out of control. So rest assured that under my leadership, teachers will no longer have a salary, books will be pay-per-view, and the budget for folding chairs will be $390 trillion.”
Trending
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November 8, 2024Updates on the Arc of the Moral Universe
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November 8, 2024Finally, the Elites Have Been Defeated by the Billionaires
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November 13, 2024Sure, I Voted for Someone Whose Policies Might Kill You, but Now’s the Time to Put Aside Our Differences
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November 6, 2024Here’s Why a Second Death Star Won’t Be That Bad
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November 14, 2024An Open Letter from the Other Side of the World to the 50.2 Percent of Americans Who Probably Won’t Read This and the 48.1 Percent Who Might
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November 6, 2024I Don’t Hate Women Candidates. I Just Thought an Erratic and Vindictive Criminal Was Worthier of My Vote Than a Woman Candidate
Interviews, Essays, and Excerpts
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November 22, 2024Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Filmmaker and Musician Boots Riley
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November 19, 2024Your Belief in Our Fearlessness Is Why It Works
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November 12, 2024How Much Do You Need?
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November 8, 2024Short Conversations with Poets: Kwame Dawes
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October 17, 2024McSweeney’s Books: An Excerpt from The Four Deportations of Jean Marseille
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October 16, 2024Short Conversations with Poets: Catherine Barnett
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September 30, 2024Short Conversations with Poets: Rick Barot
Over in the Store
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“A key barometer of the literary climate.” —The New York Times -
25 years, 75 issues, celebrate with 10 never-before-published voices. -
“It's not just that I trust Sam Sax's imagination. My sincere belief is that Sam's creative freedom unlocks the potential for our liberation.”
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To order this title for just five dollars when you subscribe to The Believer, click here. A collection of riotously entertaining columns, written for The Believer magazine during its years in...
Recent Posts
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November 20, 2024The Sirens Are Unionizing
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November 20, 2024Is It a Red Flag?: Romeo and Juliet Edition
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November 19, 2024The Story of the First No-Nut November
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November 19, 2024Help, I’m a Thriller Writer Trapped in a Thriller Series, and I’m Not Getting Any Writing Done
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November 19, 2024I Just Found Out That the Serving Size Is Ten Almonds, But I’ll Eat as Many as I Want
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