In the vampiric tale “Dogs Without Necks,” the protagonist dons a “cape,” not a “cap.”
Because of a printing mishap, the story “Old Girdles” will not make sense unless read backwards.
Howling Baby Journal is deeply remorseful for leaving our former disgruntled and paranoid fiction editor, Lowell, in charge of overseeing last issue’s final proofreading and printing.
The photograph on page 37 captioned, “Young man dressed in a burlap sack during the Depression” is, in fact, former President Gerald Ford.
In the story “Tangential Digression,” not only is Jane Dr. Zoloft’s girlfriend and lab assistant, but she is also his common-law wife.
The mortuary school featured in the article “Gravedigger’s Folly” was not a former brothel, but, rather, a former erotic bakery.
Staff members of Howling Baby Journal firmly deny stealing any of Lowell’s “imaginary” lunches.
The omitted final line of the poem “Hairy Vines” should read “Vapid wolves charging, gnashing at third nipples.” Don’t ask us what it means. In hindsight, we’re not convinced the line really belongs in a poem about casaba melons.
The vintage Canadian beaver pelt worn by the antagonist in the story “Heavy Drinking Near Cliffs” is neither vintage nor Canadian.
A disgruntled editor (Lowell) revengefully included the previously rejected story “Lacking Moxie” because he thinks someone ate his yogurt.
Please be aware that if you properly create the titular item in the article “How to Make a Taco Bomb,” it will not only be delicious, but, most assuredly, dangerous.
We failed to mention that if you correctly perform the sacrificial ritual highlighted in the article “Candle Incantations,” the result will be death.
Some issues of Howling Baby Journal tested positive for anthrax. For those loyal readers receiving tainted copies, we will extend your subscription an additional issue.
Along with being a former disgruntled and paranoid fiction editor, Lowell is now considered “a person of interest” by federal investigators.
We apologize to our sensitive readers for the photographs accompanying the instructional essay “Foreskin Origami.”
The last issue included a compact disc featuring contributors reading their published stories and poems. Lamentably, we discovered some readers received the Marilyn Manson children’s CD Hobbled Donkeys instead.
Federal agents respectfully warn Feigned Interest Review, our pretentious rival, that abetting our former disgruntled fiction editor, Lowell, and hiring him as their new editor-in-chief may equate to harboring a terrorist.
We advise readers not to fondle “Pregnant Kickboxers”; the story was printed with poisonous ink.
Small vials labeled “NRG PEP,” which were mysteriously mailed to Howling Baby Journal subscribers, should have been labeled “RICIN.” Use of the substance in the vial will not increase energy, but instead may cause vomiting, diarrhea (potentially bloody), dehydration, complete internal organ failure, death, and/or fatigue. We sincerely regret any discomfort caused.
BREAKING NEWS: Readers of Howling Baby Journal will be relieved to know that our former fiction editor, Lowell, was captured by federal agents after they blitzed Feigned Interest Review offices with taco bombs prepared by our intern, Steve.
Submission guidelines for the Howling Baby Journal have changed. We have temporarily suspended requests for submissions concerning creative genital manipulation and/or lethal remedies, rituals, spells, or incantations.
The journal will continue to accept articles and essays delineating the construction of delicious deadly devices (e.g. taco bombs, bacon-wrapped grenades, donut detonators, et al.).
Our former intern, Steve, is now the new fiction editor. All forms of literary fiction are welcome, not just “paranoid” fiction. Furthermore, Steve, the model for the controversial origami photographs, would like to clarify he does not have an outbreak from a sexually transmitted disease; he’s just freckly.