These jokes were written by students in Shannon Barker’s high school English class in Chicago, Illinois.
1. DAD JOKES
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
No one. Never. You’re alone in life. No one cares about you.
What did Kate Bush say to Sisyphus?
Be [rollin’] up that road, be [rollin’] up that hill, be [rollin’] up that building…
My boss said: “Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I dressed as Batman. Unfortunately, Batman couldn’t save anyone from the endless nothing after death.
2. Recipes
Recipe for the best meal ever: Doesn’t matter. There is no end goal. Goals are pointless. Reject this recipe. Do whatever you want. Unless you’re a woman. Then you have to conform.
Thanksgiving turkey recipe
1. Obtain an overworked turkey and marinate it in nothing.
2. Throw in the microwave for a period of time—it doesn’t matter how long.
3. Serve on flimsy paper plates with plastic utensils.
4. Consider your growing carbon footprint while consuming the meal and discussing contentious political opinions with your family members.
3. Pickup lines
Did you fall from heaven? Because then you are lying.
I never believed Sartre. Your essence is to be with me.
Are you free on Friday? Because I have the same schedule for the rest of my life until I die, turn into ash, and am completely forgotten.
4. Prom-posals
Prom is just a construct, but can we break it down together?
You can’t spell absurdism without U and I—let’s revolt together. Prom?
Can we Uber(mensch) to prom together?
I know this is bould, but could I push you to go to prom with me?
I hate everyone. You hate everyone. Let’s hate everyone together at prom.
5. A List
Second-Semester Senior or Existentialist Philosopher?
1. Why do I even come here anymore?
2. “There’s no point.”
3. “…” (sleeping)
4. I am no longer restricted by the pursuit of extrinsic rewards.
5. I’ll show up when I show up.
6. You can’t make me do this work.
7. I am so sad about the end.
8. I am so happy about the end.
Answers:
1-8: Both.