(There’s some bores in this house)
(There’s some bores in this house)

I said, certified geeks
For 12347 weeks1
White-ass presidents
Make this country seem bleak, woo (ah)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, we’ve had a bunch of white-ass presidents
Bring some loafers and some crocs for our white-ass presidents
Don’t forget to buy some stocks for the white-ass presidents

James Monroe and Franklin Pierce
Extra pale and extra stale
Seven years and fourscore
Good at golf and nothing more
Hop on board Air Force One
White-ass presidents? There’s been a ton.
Roosevelt and Madison
They’ve all been white, except for one
Disappointing but I’m not surprised
Never a woman, only guys
I want you to park a better ticket
Right in this ballot box

Mayonnaise, going to plays
William Taft, Rutherford Hayes
I wanna see BIPOC, I wanna see gays
Don’t you think it’s time to change our ways? (ayy, ayy)

Govern me, cover me, but you’re not the boss of me (yeah)
Not gonna listen ‘til we elect more diversity (yeah)
Kamala’s great, but it’s not the presidency
2008 is back where we ought to be (pow, pow)
White as shit, that’s no joke (yeah)
Executive orders, drinking Diet Coke (drinking Diet Coke)
Old Rough and Ready2 and I like Ike(yeah)
A bunch of bros who all look alike (ayy, ah)

Now get a scarf and some wine (ah, ah, ah)
For these white-ass presidents
Men of the Year according to Time
All these white-ass presidents (click, click, click)
Pricey tuition, went to Princeton
All these white-ass presidents (mwah, mwah, mwah)
Except for one, all we’ve had
Have been some white-ass presidents (yeah, yeah)

Look, we had a pussy grabber, we had Chester Arthur
We’ve had a skinny dipper,3 we had a peanut farmer
We had Teapot Dome, We had Iran Contra
Don’t even know what kinda name is Grover?
If you’re serving brunch, then that’s where they’re headed
Yes there’s Obama, but don’t give us credit
If he’s a progressive, well, we should vet it
Our election history is super pathetic
I don’t wanna cry, I wanna have hope
I wanna be proud, I wanna gloat
I want to pet that lil’ dangly tail
On the back of William Harrison’s goat4

Stodgy white men, monotonous rottenness
We elect them in and then it’s incompetence
Let’s change it up for representation (yeah, ah)
To reflect the people of this great nation, woo

We got a twice-impeached bitch, small hands, in deep shit
Broke into a hotel just tryin’ to peep shit5
Remind GW to put his wooden teeth in
Blind in his left eye from taking a beatin’6 (ah)
In the West Wing, they are convening
When they eat food, it’s without seasoning
Truman’s S has no real meaning7
All their egos are overweening

If it’s Gerald Ford, I’m really bored
State of the Unions and Peace Accords
Elect a woman, and I’d be floored
I think this plan should be explored
Ah (bores in this house)

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, we’ve had a lot of white-ass presidents
Bring some loafers and some crocs for these white-ass presidents
Don’t forget to buy some stocks for these white-ass presidents

Now from the top, let us stop
Electing white-ass presidents
We have seen what this has wrought
With all these white-ass presidents
I’m talking WAP, WAP, WAP
That’s some white-ass presidents
Don’t forget the melting pot
For the next-ass president

- - -

1 The number of weeks this country has been governed by a white-ass man (Obama presidency subtracted).

2 Zachary Taylor.

3 John Quincy Adams skinny-dipped in the Potomac every morning.

4 William Henry Harrison kept a billy goat at the White House during his short administration.

5 Watergate.

6 Theodore Roosevelt was blind in his left eye as a result of a boxing injury.

7 The S in Harry S. Truman does not stand for anything and whether or not to use a period after the letter is a source of contention among editors.