By now the expert analysis is in: If the AHCA is passed, the cost of health coverage for poor, elderly, and vulnerable people will increase to the point of being prohibitively expensive. But, as often happens, we are quick to point out the negative outcomes without also considering the positives. One such positive is that, because the tax burden of the wealthiest individuals will be lessened, I will finally be able to purchase a helicopter. This is no small thing. In fact, I’d say this is what that matters most.

Let’s be honest with ourselves. We live in a capitalist country. We have a free market economy. That means that health insurance companies should be able to charge whatever they want for their services, and deny service to anyone they like. Can a restaurant charge $100 for a hamburger? Yes, it can. Can a restaurant deny service to you for nearly any reason it pleases? Yes, it can. And if that restaurant goes out of business, it’s its own fault. That’s the bargain we all make.

It simply doesn’t add up to charge people based on what they can afford, rather than what the service costs. Should a computer technician charge based on how difficult the computer is to fix, or how much the computer owner can afford? Should a psychiatrist charge based on how screwed up a person’s problems are, or how much the patient can afford? I think the answer is obvious.

Should there be subsidies for people to buy health care? In my view, no. Giving subsidies to people in poverty is like giving food to children: it just doesn’t make sense. Because eventually they get addicted. That’s when the real trouble starts. Do you know what happens if people with diabetes can afford their medicine? They use that medicine to buy guns and cocaine. That’s just a historical fact. We see it every day, and we’re all too scared to say anything about it. But I will. That’s called courage.

So we come to the helicopter. Have you ever taken a Blade? Because I have, numerous times. It’s awful. I mean, it’s great, but it just isn’t mine. I’m driven by a desire to own everything I touch. It’s a gift, basically. I give motivational speeches.

For as long as I can remember, ever since my coworker said he had just bought one. Then I realized: I need one, too. It’s kind of a Horatio Alger tale. A classic story of working hard and achieving success, no matter the hurdles you’ve placed in front of other people.

It’s not just about the helicopter, of course. It’s about my selfish view of the world being reinforced by our government. Like most people, I want to see myself reflected in our leaders. And right now, sure, Trump’s view of women agrees with mine, but so far Trump hasn’t really put his money where his mouth is when it comes to stripping all services from vulnerable people. I think water should cost $1100 per month. That’s another idea I’ve been toying with. That will give people the motivation to work more than I assume they do.

Another idea: get rid of all financial aid at colleges. Tuition should be based on a student’s accomplishments, not their family background. This is how you get rid of discrimination.

Sure, I’m a thought leader. I’m sort of two thought leaders in one. And both of those thoughts are: win.

Have you ever met a poor person? Because I have. In fact, I grew up poor. We only had two vacation houses. And one of those we had to share with another family. The nightmare of our familial disintegration was truly Faulknerian. I would come home from private school and say, “Why me?”

I knew I needed out of that situation. So I worked hard. I worked really, really hard after I graduated from college with a 2.8 GPA. I’m proud of myself, and you should be proud of me, too.

In the course of writing this, I’ve discovered that another of my coworkers just bought a yacht. Now a yacht: that’s what I want.