Aren’t you Dave Kendall?
Aunt Diane and the Poltergeist
The Collie Lady
The Dokken Wife
Encounter in Culver City
“Excuse Me,” He Whispered: The Night Allen Ginsberg Touched My Pants
The Frisky Groomer
Keith Richards’ Dad*
The Krazy Kat Tattoo*
The Laundry Guy
Mugged by a Hooker, Helped by a Pimp
The Oki-Dog Incident
Sean Penn and the James Brown Tapes
Teenage Wasteland: A Night with the Guardian Angels*
Automobiles: 8
Badge numbers, asked for: 2
Badge numbers, received: 0
Cassette tapes: 3
Cats: 2
Collies: 2
Collie, as a last name: 1
Celebrities: 9
Chain-wallets, used as weapons: 1
Credit Cards: 2
Exorcisms: 1
FBI officers, undercover: 1
French fries, orders of: 1
Handguns: 2
Hot pants, pairs of: 1
Knives: 1
Massages, unsolicited: 1
Men, doing pushups: 3
Muggings: 3
Oakley Blades sunglasses, pairs of: 1
Pink scarves, worn by collies: 1
Pink scarves, worn by women: 1
Police officers: 7
Red berets: 18
Root beers: 1
Safety Patrols: 1
Secret headquarters: 1
Songs by The Who: 1
Step-mothers, previously married to members of Dokken: 1
Tank tops: 1
Tattoos: 0
*Did not happen to me