Your honor, this arson case may look open-and-shut to some people, but the jury requests another day to mull over the evidence and reexamine witness testimonies. And before you ask, this isn’t just because Paul McCartney happens to be a member of the jury and we want another day to hear more stories about the Beatles and find out what it’s like to be a living legend. The first few time extensions may have been about that, but not this one.
I’ll admit that when I first found out Paul was on the jury with me, I forgot entirely about my obligations as a juror. Here was the man who caused girls all over the world to faint and guys all over the world to catch fainting girls. For me, arson took a backseat while Sir Paul drove me down Penny Lane, and, baby, could he drive my car! But now I’m all about getting down to business and making sure we figure out how that smoke detector factory burned down without a single warning.
We just need an extra day to work out whether the defendant’s alibi holds water, or if we can say “Hey Jude, go to jail!” Sorry about that. You hang out with a Beatle for as long as I have, and the references are just here, there and everywhere. Crazy coincidence how the defendant is named Jude, too, huh? Regardless, Paul, like the rest of the jurors, is a complete professional and is handling this case with the utmost seriousness. He wants justice served. Did you know that at the ceremony where he was knighted they served the greatest quiche he’s ever had? It’s true, and hopefully so is the prosecution’s key witness’ remembrance of the events on the night of the arson.
If the court is worried about having to pay each of us another $40 for our day’s work, we all agreed that we’re fine waiving the cost. You can’t put a price on making things right. Just ask Paul about his $48.6 million divorce settlement! Ha-ha! I can joke about that because Paul and I are now jury pals, but I wouldn’t repeat that around him if I were you. He’s got a temper and as a Beatle he can basically do whatever he wants. Like just walk on to a criminal jury when he isn’t even an American citizen, but you and your freshly autographed gavel know all about that.
All we’re asking for is one more day. I know I shouldn’t tell you this, but we were only one vote away from a unanimous decision during our last deliberation. We were all disheartened to get so very close, but Paul stood up and announced, “We can work it out,” which made us all smile because it was a Beatles song but it also made sense in the context of our situation. We all then shared our favorite Beatles song and Paul let us know if we were right or wrong, like a model juror.
So, what do you say, your honor? Don’t be a Yoko.