Does it spark joy? If not, redact it.
This simple step is the start of the DonTrumpi Method, my painstakingly developed technique for decluttering your legal life.
Perhaps it seems too good to be true. Maybe you, too, have recently tried to deal with a mess of federal investigations, only to find yourself alone in the Oval Office at 3 a.m. drowning leathery steak in ketchup and watching another old episode of Lou Dobbs Tonight on the DVR. Faced with such circumstances, many of my clients have reported feeling profoundly unsettling feelings. Helplessness. Shame. Even populism.
It is exactly this type of situation that led me to develop the DonTrumpi Method. Today, I live and work in the Washington area, helping clients cover up misdeeds in a manner that positively impacts every element of their private and professional lives.
The art of covering up is not easy. Many people lack the skills to master it. Others are held back by bad habits such as procrastination or integrity. But it is my belief that anyone who takes my course can, with the right mindset, permanently avoid accountability for their wrongdoing.
I advise my clients to begin by thoroughly eliminating clutter. Discarding intensely and completely is essential to covering up. For example, I recently found a 400-page special counsel report in my office. At first, it felt important to me. But then I realized: I did not truly love the Mueller Report. I could replace it with a four-page letter, and not only was I tidier, I was far happier as well.
You must undertake this journey, even with the objects you find it most painful to discard. If you’re finding it particularly difficult to part with items in your custody, those following the DonTrumpi Method have found it helpful to thank them for your time together. For example, you could say: “Thank you, grand jury testimony, for providing me vital information about Russia’s attempt to undermine our democracy and how we might prevent it in the future. Because of you, I learned that I don’t actually care about that stuff.”
Here is another important rule: You must do it all at once. Some of my clients have tried decluttering their lives piece by piece. One day they fire the FBI director. The next day they attack the free press. If you try to cover up this way, you will never succeed. If, however, you cover up in one marathon session, you will be amazed by the things you find, like no collusion.
Something else I advise all my clients is to share as little as possible. When covering up, wait until you are completely finished before you allow others to see your work. For example, members of Congress can have a strong emotional attachment to the things you hope to discard, making covering up extremely stressful for them. For their sake, I always recommend my clients to avoid showing anything to oversight committees until they’re completely finished. Or, ideally, ever.
Many people think that they’re too guilty or incompetent to cover up. But the truth is anyone can do it. Here are just a few of the many testimonies I have received.
“After damning evidence was withheld from the public, I was able to completely reconcile with my ex-wife. Please don’t tell my current wife.”
“Thanks to the DonTrumpi Method, Individual 1 is finally putting himself first. Not only did I not get indicted, but I lost ten pounds!”
“My name is Eliot Abrams. You helped me get a presidential pardon during the Iran-Contra scandal for lying to Congress about war crimes and then I went back to being a respected member of the foreign policy establishment for some reason and today I’m in charge of American policy in Venezuela. Seriously. Google it.”
For me, there is no greater satisfaction than seeing a client tidy up their legal life and experience more fulfillment in every aspect of their being. For example, successful clients report that they are more present in the current moment. How often do we fail to appreciate the majesty of a perfect sunset or the beauty of a wholesale purge at DHS? Covering up can change all that.
What is more, covering up lets you live the life you always wanted. Clients who have gone through the DonTrumpi Method are able to cherish the things they truly love, like Stephen Miller. What is more, being hastily cleared of obstruction will also hastily clear your mind. For example, one client told me that only after disposing of the rule of law could he pour himself into his true passion: investigating James Comey.
If you have read this far, you’ve already begun the covering-up journey. You are probably thinking about all the sketchy tax dodges, fraudulent foundations, and blatant campaign-finance violations that are preventing you from engaging fully with your true mission in life.
It is time to make the change you always wanted. The DonTrumpi method has worked for me. It’s worked for dozens of my clients. And I [REDACTED] percent guarantee it will work for you.