In the ancient world, tens of thousands of people traveled by car, bus, and plane to attend festivals of art, religion, and sport. They filled stadiums and camped in fields to watch games, faith healers, or musical performances, enhanced with laser lights and special effects. The discovery of a network of underground cables in the southern United Kingdom unearthed the site of the Glastonbury Festival of Contemporary Performing Arts. The three-day event was held in the summer, when a temperate maritime climate produced the optimal conditions for the preservation of the 900 acre site.
Empty aluminum can, seven inches tall and eight inches in circumference. Black and gold label rubbed off. Held 32 ounces of dark ale. For decades the standard global size of beverage cans remained twelve ounces. The 32-ounce cans indicate that the Age of Gigantism had commenced. Festival attendees often drank alcohol with abandon, and all manner of violent outbursts were common by the Third Millennium. A particularly hardy Glastonbury attendee might have consumed ten or eleven of these tins at a time.
Portable plastic latrinae of four attached cubes with domed roofs. The world’s only full set of pre-self-cleaning latrinae, they have retained their magnificent turquoise color. The symbols on the remaining doors indicate the stalls were for male and female use.
Rectangular foam mat with carrying strap. The widespread discovery of these mats in disparate urban centers indicates their use was not limited to camping. This mat has been traced to a factory in Taichung City. Note the rounded obtuse logo partially restored on the upper right side. The symbol of the sporting goods conglomerate Nike would have been instantly recognizable to someone living in the Early Third Millennium. The company name reflects their fondness for naming goods after Greek and Roman legends and myths.
Black and fuchsia tiger-striped plush polyester clip-on tail. Label reads FAIRY WING AND TUTU SPECIALIST, with CE conformance mark to indicate membership in the European Economic Area. Human vendors initially manned a variety of restaurants and boutiques. Staff and attendees enjoyed dressing in elaborate costumes, and the available photographs capture them in their brightly colored, sometimes muddy creations.
Black, knee-high woman’s rubber boot with metal buckles. The brand name Hunter is prominently displayed on the front of the boot. A leopard print interior and the addition of the words JIMMY CHOO to the label indicates it was custom made. This type of rubber boot was the most costly and fashionable, and the impressive craftsmanship is visible on the soles. It was discovered in Glastonbury’s Very Important Person (VIP) campsite, where the majority of the Hunter brand of rubber boots have been found.
Lead and plastic 3-ounce portable telephone. The half-dozen photographs retrieved from this phone are among the most complete set of festival images. Information from the first interconnected computer networks continues to be extracted from the Glastonbury Phone, displayed for the first time to the public.
Pewter belt buckle. Note the silhouette of a man straddling a feral horse below the logo JACK DANIELS. Jack Daniels was a globally popular American whiskey.
Plastic sucking device with teat, mouth shield, and handle. Originally called binkies, these plastic devices were used to soothe agitated babies. The recently unearthed Kidz Field confirms large numbers of families with small children attended the festival. Backward text and phonetic spelling were common affectations in children’s signage. The discovery of multiple binkies in the Dance Village is responsible for an intriguing theory that the devices were also used by adults, who sucked on them to offset the jaw-grinding effects of ingesting the narcotics they traditionally consumed in tandem with excessive dancing to hypnotic, repetitive music.
Felt hat with hatband, creased lengthways down the crown. Prior to the Third Millennium, the rapid acquisition and discarding of possessions on aesthetic whims was practiced almost exclusively by the ruling class. The waxing and waning popularity of the fedora hat demonstrates the global passion for fads, when a hunger for new trends lead to constant resurrections. First popularized around 1920, fedora hats fell out of favor forty years later, and re-appear in twenty year intervals at Glastonbury levels 2, and 5. This hat is a wonderfully preserved example from Glastonbury Level 7.
Facial-recognition engine from an intelligent unmanned store service robot. Forensic specialists have determined this Level 6, pre-Singularity discovery was able to speak twenty-five languages, perform CPR, and prepare and sell over fifty-eight possible combinations of crepes.