So, we meet again beneath the horrifically unflattering Macy’s overhead lighting. I always knew this day would come.

Ah. I see you’ve noticed my handiwork. Yes, I’ve been quite busy since we last met, expanding my gut, pulverizing my skin. Does it impress you, mirror? What’s the matter, cat got your tongue?

A-ha! So you’ve come to show me the error of my ways, have you? Stop me from destroying my innocent body?

Well you’re too late mirror. I’m far beyond the point of motivating myself to make any positive life changes. Don’t you see? The physical deterioration process has already begun and there’s nothing you can do about it anymore. Nothing!

True, in the past you have conquered over me, led me to crippling self-loathing, ill-informed short-lived diets, and a week’s worth of oversized sweaters. But not this time. No, this time I shall escape emotionally unscathed.

Go ahead. Amplify my many flaws all you want! Highlight every wrinkle, roll, zit, and dimple. Do your worst, I dare you!

You’ll never stop me from treating my body like a garbage disposal. Never! I’ll pour alcohol down my throat until my thighs swell like balloons. I’ll stuff as many fried, cheese-based morsels into my face until I’m more bloat than substance! Why, I’ll agonize over every tiny detail in my life until my skin sags and gray hairs sprout from my scalp like springtime lilacs!

Behold, I’ve already brought over this dress in a size 4 and a size 6 in the likely event the former no longer fits over my ever-expanding body!

What, did you think you could just show up and convince me to start exercising? To eat better? Dare I say, to stop poisoning myself recreationally? Oh you poor naïve fool.

There will be no wake up call today. In fact, in just a few moments after I’ve accepted the next size up with a sigh, I’ll leave the dressing room and continue to batter my increasingly fragile form with horrible decision making. And you? Why you’ll just be right here, absolutely powerless to stop me.

Look, this is it! The size 4 is too small! It’s working! Yes, at last! I am no longer held down by concern for my appearance or the accompanying implicated health problems. I can do whatever I want! I am unstoppable!

Farewell my ineffectual reflective friend! By the time we meet next, I’ll have completely given up. Now, on what floor is the Auntie Anne’s located?