STARTERS
Diapers in a smelly sauce … 4
Tasty talc lightly sprinkled over bottom … 3
Chafing in chafing dish, with risotto … 2
Suck knuckles … 3
Giggles in phyllo … 2
SALADS
Tossed School
Raw feelings and teacher worship coated with shredded fights and loneliness, plus blackboard dust perfumed with scent of sack lunch. A dish of lightly nasty notes is served on the side … 4
Brothers with Bibb Lettuce
A flavorful tumble of television, julienned odors, gamey guitar riffs whisked with divorce worries. Includes the occasional holiday hug served warm. Fist vinaigrette or acne oil suggested … 6
Middle School Mix
Best-loved books basted in a steady, sizzling stream of friends and enemies. This dish is encased in a sweet-and-sour slumber party shell. Ouija boards and burnt Tollhouse cookies are crumbled on top of a creamy, crying dressing … 5
Street Slaw
A suburban medley of bike bits plus big trees holding a feast of forts, all layered on a bed of lawn and spicy fall leaves. Barking dogs upon request … 4
SOUPS
Bossy Bisque … 4
Contrary Consommé … 4
BASKET OF BREADS
Period
Crush
Joy
Boredom
White
BUTTERS
Prom
Anti-Prom
ENTREES
College Casserole with Braised Garlic and Grading Curve
Baked in an ivy-and-brick dish, this mixture includes roommate loathing and a smattering of oversleeping combined with chunks of library time, basted in a bittersweet broth of important hugs. Work/study assignments are sprinkled across the quad, as is a luscious layer of lifelong debt and memories that get happier with time … 15
Job Jambalaya
A fried interview with a pungent paranoid aftertaste, tossed with boss and topped by a dollop of desk as well as a coating of computer. Served in a crispy, edible cubicle papered with oniony aphorisms and photos of cats … 17
Love Gallimaufry
A tasty concoction of snowy nights, hot hands, and more melted butter than you can eat. Ask your server about availability … 17
Family Feast with Savory Kid Gravy
A staff favorite, this overcooked hungry hash sits on a mortgage platter and is stuffed with old couches, juice splotches, smoked carpet, kisses and blame, simmered in a supermarket sauce with a splash of slamming doors. Phone bills au gratin give this dish a surprisingly tasty tang … 20
Ennui en Croûte
A big bland meat house (exquisitely enfolded in puff pastry) remains empty on an oversized plate. Sautéed art and fancy furniture must be left untouched in an accompanying dish (your server will clear immediately). Instead, linger over the boring, buttery hours filled with few pursuits but doubt and gout. A snappy regret remoulade gives this dish zing, as do moments of clarity and claret. Children home from college will be served alongside (in season only), as will husbands when fresh … 22
AFTER-DINNER DRINKS
Mammogram Mocha
Digestif avec Arthritis
Biopsy Tea (mint, oolong, black)
Estrogen Espresso, with lemon twist
DESSERTS
Flambé a la Osteoporosis
A soft stew of bananas and banality is set aflame then extinguished, leaving dabs of daytime television, yellowing scrapbooks, cocoa calls from a favorite grandchild, nibbles of needlepoint all in a bowl with safety handles and a rubber bottom. Breaths will come shorter after one bite … 10
Husband’s Burial with Caramel
Papers, lawyers, relatives and money are stirred into this grave-sized serving of sorrow and memory, with a drizzling of coughs and caramel—tiramisu tears extra. A single portion is dished up in a double bed. Plate splitting not permitted … 8
Death By Chocolate
Finality in the form of ladyfingers drizzled with darkest chocolate, all with a chewy surprise center. You’ll never be hungry again … Market price
No take-out or doggie bags, please.
Seatings for parties of one or fewer only.
Closed Mondays.