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Articles by
Anthony DeThomas
Anthony DeThomas is a former congressional speechwriter who reclaimed his soul writing humor. His humor writing is featured in McSweeney’s, Points in Case, Slackjaw, and the bowels of the Congressional Record.
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July 3, 2024How I Imagine the Drafting of the Declaration of Independence Would Have Gone If the Founders Had Been Eating Buffalo Chicken Pizza
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March 13, 2024What I Think It’s Like Working at a Company That Makes Condoms
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March 31, 2022Thanks for Meeting Me at This Treaty Negotiation and Hot Wings Challenge
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June 2, 2021I’m a Sports Coach and I’m Pretty Sure This Is How I’m Supposed to Use the Squeaky Doodle Board Thing
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October 15, 2024I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About
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October 28, 2024The Starfleet Gazette Will Not Be Endorsing a Candidate for President of the United Federation of Planets
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September 20, 2024It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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November 4, 2024Don’t Worry—This Is Exactly How the Founding Fathers Intended You to Feel on Election Day
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November 4, 2024270 Reasons: Because There Are No Rights, No Freedoms That Some Extremists Won’t Try to Take From Us
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November 4, 2024Eeyore’s Tips for Election Day Self-Care
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November 3, 2024Based on Our Election Forecast, We Are 100 Percent Sure Anything Could Fucking Happen