The Believer Magazine
Articles by
Ashton Winters
Ashton Winters likes writing funny stuff. Sometimes he has a mustache. Other times, not so much. He regularly posts on his humor website, fatpuppet.com.
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March 10, 2025As an American Jew, I Feel Completely Reassured for My Safety Now That Trump Has Targeted the Epicenter of American Antisemitism, Columbia University
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March 6, 2025Killing Baby Boomers Will Save the United States Government Trillions
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February 27, 2025Changes Our University Is Making to Pre-Comply with Possible Future Regulations
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February 27, 2025“Democracy Dies in Darkness” Wasn’t a Warning; It Was Our End Goal
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March 14, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Michael Smith
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March 14, 2025Nothing Stands Between Us Teachers and the Brainwashing of America’s Children, Except This Beef Jerky in the Pencil Sharpener
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March 13, 2025It’s a Shame We Have to Betray Our Allies, Starve the Poor, Halt Scientific Progress, Destroy the Environment, and Eliminate the Freedoms Enshrined in the Bill of Rights, but at Least My Investment Portfolio Is Also Tanking
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March 13, 2025Don’t Let the Fact That I Only Criticize Democrats and Always Defend Trump Confuse You—I’m an Independent Centrist