Articles by

Bethany Allen-Ebrahimian

Bethany Allen-Ebrahimian is a journalist based in Washington, DC. She has reported from China, Japan, Taiwan, Germany, Austria, and Turkey, and she has written articles about these places that are Serious As Fuck. So in her spare time, she tries to balance that out by writing international affairs-themed satire.

March 14, 2018

It is Time to Rid America of Radical Islamic Mathematics and We Must Start By Banning Pi Day

by Bethany Allen-Ebrahimian

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March 24, 2025

Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes

by Emily Greenberg and Cliff Mayotte
March 18, 2025

Senator Schumer Votes to Let the Big Wooden Horse into Troy

by Ryan Wolin
March 26, 2025

Excerpts from a Red-Hot Right-Wing Romance Novel

by Sara K. Runnels
March 25, 2025

The Plan to Bomb the Middle East Finally Made It Out of the Group Chat

by Agrim Joshi

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March 31, 2025

We Will No Longer Waste Taxpayer Money on Anything, Since Nothing Is Real

by Talia Argondezzi
March 31, 2025

I’m a Free-Thinking Centrist with Only Right-Wing Ideas

by Nancy Matson
March 31, 2025

Son, I Forbid You to Join That Rowdy, No-Good Zorba the Greek Fan Club

by Nathan Kamal
March 28, 2025

Although I Voted for You to Be Turned into Soup, There’s No Reason We Can’t Be Friends Before You Are Liquefied

by Brett Olsen