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Articles by
Chris Keilman
Chris is a copywriter and fiction writer based in San Francisco.
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December 19, 2022Now That I’ve Quit Twitter, I Have So Much More Time to Cook This Pot Roast
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February 3, 2021Fuck Off, Dad! We’re Eating Apple Jacks
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April 27, 2018I Am a Motivated Self-Starter and a Dolphin Warrior On a Quest
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October 20, 2017Artisanal Coffee Flavor Profiles Brought to You By Metallica
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February 10, 2025Voting for the Mayor Who Promised to Blow Up the City Doesn’t Mean I Approve of the Mayor Blowing Up the City
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February 13, 2025Finally, My Tax Dollars Are Being Used to Uncover Publicly Available Government Information
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February 5, 2025Here at DOGE, We’ve Streamlined Every Aspect of America’s Collapse
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February 4, 2025An Accurate Organizational Chart of Your University
Recently
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February 21, 2025Don’t Tread on Me—Unless You’re a Billionaire with a Ketamine Addiction, in Which Case I Enthusiastically Support It
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February 21, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Finding Win Ng
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February 21, 2025Why I Chose to Reenter the Matrix and Be a Living Battery for the Machines
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February 20, 2025Take Him Seriously, Not Literally