McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON

Join our Patreon at $10/month (or more) and receive a coupon for a discount on the Decorative Gourd Beanie, Gourd mugs, and our glorious new Advent Calendar. Help support our writers and keep our site ad-free.

Articles by

Haden Polseno-Hensley

June 7, 2006

Oscar Picks for Best Actor, 2025

by Haden Polseno-Hensley

Trending 🔥

October 15, 2024

I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About

by Sam Woods
September 20, 2024

It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers

by Colin Nissan
August 19, 2024

Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056

by Ben Parker, Stephanie Steinbrecher, Kelsey Ronan, John McMurtrie, Sophia DuRose, Rachel Villa, and Amy Sumerton
October 28, 2024

The Starfleet Gazette Will Not Be Endorsing a Candidate for President of the United Federation of Planets

by Katryn Bury

Recently

November 1, 2024

I Will Be Away from My Desk on November 6

by Lauren Thoman
November 1, 2024

270 Reasons: Because on January 6, I Was More Afraid Working at the Capitol Than During My Entire Army Deployment to Iraq

by Aquilino Gonell
November 1, 2024

Template for Donald Trump’s “I Don’t Accept the Election Results” Speeches

by Devorah Blachor
October 31, 2024

This Election Wouldn’t Be So Close If My Historically Unpopular Opponent Wasn’t Such a Shrewd Campaigner

by Matthew Brian Cohen