The Believer Magazine
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November 22, 2022As a Direct Descendent of a Mayflower Pilgrim, Thanksgiving Means a Little More to Me, Bartholomew Dunston Ratbait IV
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April 30, 2020Citations for the Latest Rant That Guy Who You Sort of Knew In High School Just Posted On Facebook
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July 10, 2019Given the State of the World, I Wonder If It’s Wrong to Give Birth to the Son of Satan
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October 26, 2017P-Day: The Day America Found Out Trump’s Russian Video Was Real
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April 17, 2017A Guide for Talking to a Trump Supporter with Loving Empathy
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July 1, 2016America Finally Passes Meaningful Gun Control Legislation
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September 16, 2015Crossfit’s Film Critic Wins a 2018 National Magazine Award
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December 22, 2014A Father Releases the Financial Forecast for His Family Christmas
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October 31, 2014Here at Cline Family Country Cabin, We Do Things a Little Differently
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December 18, 2013Merry Christmas, Son. I Trampled a Man to Death to Buy You This LeapPad Ultra Tablet
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December 9, 2013Kirk Cameron Records the Audiobook Version of the Dinosaur Erotica Novel In the Velociraptor’s Nest
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July 17, 2012The Exquisite Freedoms of Michael P. Dodderman
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February 10, 2025Voting for the Mayor Who Promised to Blow Up the City Doesn’t Mean I Approve of the Mayor Blowing Up the City
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February 5, 2025Here at DOGE, We’ve Streamlined Every Aspect of America’s Collapse
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February 13, 2025Finally, My Tax Dollars Are Being Used to Uncover Publicly Available Government Information
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February 4, 2025An Accurate Organizational Chart of Your University
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February 21, 2025Don’t Tread on Me—Unless You’re a Billionaire with a Ketamine Addiction, in Which Case I Enthusiastically Support It
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February 21, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Finding Win Ng
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February 21, 2025Why I Chose to Reenter the Matrix and Be a Living Battery for the Machines
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February 20, 2025Take Him Seriously, Not Literally