McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
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Articles by
Juliana Gray
Juliana Gray is a poet and professor from Alabama who lives in western New York. Chances are she’s really cold right now.
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June 14, 2024The Ghost of Hamlet’s Father Tries to Have “The Talk” with Hamlet
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February 24, 2023If You Give a Bear Cocaine…
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October 19, 2022Scenes from The Candymansplainer
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September 16, 2022Are You Seeing Another Farmers’ Market Vendor?
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June 21, 2022Batman Contemplates the Non-Existence of Masturbation in the DC Universe
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June 26, 2020A Message from Your University’s Vice President for Magical Thinking
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February 18, 2020I’m the Coroner In the Game of Clue, and My Job Is a Lot Harder Than You’d Think
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December 3, 2019Course Evaluations for Famous Teachers In Classic Literature
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May 2, 2019University Assessment Committee Erotica
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May 18, 2018The Incel Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
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March 15, 2018Thinly Veiled Metaphors in Young Adult Dystopian Fiction
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October 25, 2017Sylvia Plath’s The Ball Jar
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March 10, 2025As an American Jew, I Feel Completely Reassured for My Safety Now That Trump Has Targeted the Epicenter of American Antisemitism, Columbia University
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March 6, 2025Killing Baby Boomers Will Save the United States Government Trillions
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February 27, 2025Changes Our University Is Making to Pre-Comply with Possible Future Regulations
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February 27, 2025“Democracy Dies in Darkness” Wasn’t a Warning; It Was Our End Goal
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March 14, 2025A Memorandum from the Newly Established Department of Grammar Efficiency
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March 14, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Michael Smith
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March 14, 2025Nothing Stands Between Us Teachers and the Brainwashing of America’s Children, Except This Beef Jerky in the Pencil Sharpener
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March 13, 2025It’s a Shame We Have to Betray Our Allies, Starve the Poor, Halt Scientific Progress, Destroy the Environment, and Eliminate the Freedoms Enshrined in the Bill of Rights, but at Least My Investment Portfolio Is Also Tanking