Our tribe is facing an existential threat. Now is not the time for division. We must work together to protect our future. That’s why, instead of invoking the ten plagues and escaping to the Promised Land, we need to support the Pharaoh, no matter how detrimental he is to our tribe, Egypt, or the whole world.
I know what you’re thinking: The Pharaoh spent his entire life lying and defrauding, how do you know he won’t throw us under the camel when it becomes convenient? Well, he might be a greedy supervillain who cares about nothing but himself, but he was friendly to a few token tribe members, so just ignore the other stuff.
Besides, being slaves in Egypt, our tribe doesn’t exactly have many options. So, if this guy says he’s gonna help us, maybe we need to look past all the evil “Pharaoscist” things he’s doing, and trust that he’ll drain the dunes. I mean, Project 2025-BC is mostly evil, but there’s also a paragraph in there that says they’ll put up with us (for now). They actually want us to establish the Promised Land—mainly to get rid of us, and put us in one place to make it easier to attack later—but still, we take what we can get, right?
So I say, ignore that he’s likely gonna make hostility towards our tribe worse in the long run, or that he’s gonna alienate the rest of the fertile crescent by putting tariffs on figs and papyrus or whatever, or that his health expert is gonna cause a malaria outbreak, or that he’s eventually gonna spark a world war.
Yeah, I know, his Royal Vizier, who bought his way into power with rare emeralds, did that notorious hand gesture, but that was like, the good kind; a loving and caring and supportive “Heil Pharaoh” salute. And, sure, he bought the town agora and lets people etch misinformation hieroglyphs about us constantly, but to be fair, that stuff is etched into every town agora.
Now, it’s tempting to say this Pharaoh is only with us because he wants us to build our invention, the Iron Pyramids, but come on, would a guy who constantly rips people off rip us off? Would the compulsive liar lie to us? Would a lifelong scammer scam us?
What I’m saying is forget the frogs or sea of blood or darkness or whatever else you can come up with to get him out of the White Palace, save those ideas for a screenplay for when we establish Burbank in a few years. For now, we need to get behind the liar that lies nonstop because he is definitely NOT lying to us about being on our side.
We can totally trust him. I mean, when in history has a corrupt, tyrannical leader ever turned against the Jews?
Exactly. Checkmate!