ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Melissa Bell
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May 12, 2005Things Heard During John Cage’s Folsom Prison Performance of “4’33”."
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February 16, 2005Ways Jesus Saves
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October 1, 2004Really Boring Books for Children
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May 3, 2004My Heart Belongs to Puff Daddy: Proposed New Names for Sean “P. Diddy” Combs in Honor of St. Valentine’s Day
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October 27, 2003Creepy Clown under the Bed’s Telepathic Message to Child in Bed, Age Five and a Half
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January 7, 2002Foods and Beverages That Are Bad for You
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November 5, 2001Nine Words Probably Not Ever Found in Personal Ads
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October 15, 2024I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About
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September 20, 2024It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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October 28, 2024The Starfleet Gazette Will Not Be Endorsing a Candidate for President of the United Federation of Planets
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November 1, 2024I Will Be Away from My Desk on November 6
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November 1, 2024270 Reasons: Because on January 6, I Was More Afraid Working at the Capitol Than During My Entire Army Deployment to Iraq
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November 1, 2024Template for Donald Trump’s “I Don’t Accept the Election Results” Speeches
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October 31, 2024This Election Wouldn’t Be So Close If My Historically Unpopular Opponent Wasn’t Such a Shrewd Campaigner