The Believer Magazine
Articles by
Robert Rooney
Robert Rooney has a wife and two kids. He lives in Connecticut. He is short and near-sighted. He works in advertising. People usually call him “Rooney.”
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December 12, 2023How Every Recipe on The Great British Baking Show Sounds to Us Die-Hard American Viewers
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July 22, 2021The European Men’s Beach Volleyball Disciplinary Commission Defends Its Banana Hammock Rule
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December 16, 2020The Cashier from “The Christmas Shoes” Breaks His Silence
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November 11, 2020Say “Megan Follows Is the Best Anne of Green Gables” or I’ll Beat the Living Shit Out of You
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November 23, 2016How to Brine a Turkey, by H.P. Lovecraft
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March 18, 2025Senator Schumer Votes to Let the Big Wooden Horse into Troy
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March 24, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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March 10, 2025As an American Jew, I Feel Completely Reassured for My Safety Now That Trump Has Targeted the Epicenter of American Antisemitism, Columbia University
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March 13, 2025It’s a Shame We Have to Betray Our Allies, Starve the Poor, Halt Scientific Progress, Destroy the Environment, and Eliminate the Freedoms Enshrined in the Bill of Rights, but at Least My Investment Portfolio Is Also Tanking
Recently
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March 28, 2025Although I Voted for You to Be Turned into Soup, There’s No Reason We Can’t Be Friends Before You Are Liquefied
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March 28, 2025Brutally Honest Emails from Academia.edu
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March 27, 2025We Are the People Who Buy Red Delicious Apples
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March 27, 2025A Letter from Believer Editor Daniel Gumbiner