ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Tom Batten
Tom Batten has written for The New Yorker, The Guardian, and others. He lives in Virginia.
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June 8, 2018The World Responds to Me Winning HQ Trivia
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February 26, 2018What I Imagine an Average Day Would Be Like If I Lived in New York
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October 24, 2017I’m Looking for a Woman Who Will Challenge Me
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October 25, 2016About the Sinkhole in the Adjunct Faculty Lounge, and Other Mid-Semester Announcements
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September 8, 2006Three New Mac Ad Ideas
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October 15, 2024I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About
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October 28, 2024The Starfleet Gazette Will Not Be Endorsing a Candidate for President of the United Federation of Planets
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September 20, 2024It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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November 4, 2024270 Reasons: Because There Are No Rights, No Freedoms That Some Extremists Won’t Try to Take From Us
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November 4, 2024Eeyore’s Tips for Election Day Self-Care
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November 3, 2024Based on Our Election Forecast, We Are 100 Percent Sure Anything Could Fucking Happen
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November 1, 2024I Will Be Away from My Desk on November 6