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Articles by
Tom Batten
Tom Batten has written for The New Yorker, The Guardian, and others. He lives in Virginia.
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June 8, 2018The World Responds to Me Winning HQ Trivia
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February 26, 2018What I Imagine an Average Day Would Be Like If I Lived in New York
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October 24, 2017I’m Looking for a Woman Who Will Challenge Me
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October 25, 2016About the Sinkhole in the Adjunct Faculty Lounge, and Other Mid-Semester Announcements
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September 8, 2006Three New Mac Ad Ideas
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January 22, 2025This Is How You Normalize Performing a Fascist Gesture
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January 15, 2025A Marriage Proposal Spoken Entirely in Office Jargon
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January 15, 2025Signs You Are a Gen-Xer Who’s About to Turn Sixty
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October 11, 2006Back from Yet Another Globetrotting Adventure, Indiana Jones Checks His Mail and Discovers That His Bid for Tenure Has Been Denied
Recently
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February 4, 2025If Crooks Were Studying My Every Move to Pull an Ocean’s 11–Style Heist on Me
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February 3, 2025We Democrats Will Fight Back Just as Soon as We Can Get Our Shit Together
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February 3, 2025Elon Musk’s Directive on How to Change a Light Bulb in a Federal Building
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January 31, 2025The Twelve Labors of Hercules, First-Time Homebuyer