McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
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Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond
Send your nonfictional open letters to openletters@mcsweeneys.net.
(Submission guidelines)
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February 28, 2025An Open Letter to Lumon Industries Requesting to Please Kindly Insert the Severance Device in My Brain and Keep It on “Innie” Mode for the Next Four Years
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February 5, 2025An Open Letter to the Old Man Who Bartered with My Cancer-Patient Daughter at the Community Yard Sale Fundraiser
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December 19, 2024An Open Letter to Sarah from Love Actually, to Be Delivered In the Two Seconds Before She Answers Her Phone for the Second Time While Karl Is Tenderly Dry Humping Her
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November 14, 2024An Open Letter from the Other Side of the World to the 50.2 Percent of Americans Who Probably Won’t Read This and the 48.1 Percent Who Might
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October 17, 2024An Open Letter to Love Is Blind Producers About Why We Need a Lesbian Season
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September 5, 2024An Open Letter to Whoever Is Trying to Hack My Instagram Account
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June 12, 2024An Open Letter to Martha-Ann Alito About Her New Pride Flag
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June 6, 2024An Open Letter to the University Hiring Committee
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May 16, 2024An Open Letter to Whoever Keeps Making My Wife Laugh on Slack
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April 16, 2024An Open Letter to Wyna Liu, the New York Times’ Connections Editor
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March 21, 2024An Open Letter to the White Person Who Just Found Out I’m Puerto Rican
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February 15, 2024An Open Letter from Myself to Myself from Before I Learned That Backyard Bird Feeders Require Biweekly Cleaning
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March 24, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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March 18, 2025Senator Schumer Votes to Let the Big Wooden Horse into Troy
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January 15, 2025Signs You Are a Gen-Xer Who’s About to Turn Sixty
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March 25, 2025The Plan to Bomb the Middle East Finally Made It Out of the Group Chat
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March 28, 2025Although I Voted for You to Be Turned into Soup, There’s No Reason We Can’t Be Friends Before You Are Liquefied
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March 28, 2025Brutally Honest Emails from Academia.edu
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March 27, 2025We Are the People Who Buy Red Delicious Apples
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March 27, 2025A Letter from Believer Editor Daniel Gumbiner