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All posts tagged
toys
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June 27, 2024Mantras for the Eight-Year-Old Boy Who Is About to Walk into Target
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July 27, 2023We Promise Our STEM Toys Will Never Teach Your Child the Humanities
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July 21, 2023“Barbie Girl” by Ernest Hemingway
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February 14, 2023Romantic Pairings I Created for My Childhood Toys
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August 24, 2022Health Inspector’s Notes from the Fisher-Price Kitchen in Miss Carol’s Preschool Classroom
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April 28, 2022Fisher-Price Recalls the Deluxe Kick ’n Play Piano Gym for Having Too Many Bops
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March 18, 2022I Insisted on a Strict Policy of Only Educational Toys for My Baby, and Now She Is Too Smart and I Am Terrified of Her
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June 2, 2021Best STEM Toys For One-Year-Olds, Also, Calm Down
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March 9, 2021I’m Your Child’s New Interlocking Block System and I’m Incompatible With Every Other Block They Own
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December 9, 2020The 100-Percent True History of Santa and Jesus, Probably
Trending 🔥
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February 10, 2025Voting for the Mayor Who Promised to Blow Up the City Doesn’t Mean I Approve of the Mayor Blowing Up the City
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February 21, 2025Don’t Tread on Me—Unless You’re a Billionaire with a Ketamine Addiction, in Which Case I Enthusiastically Support It
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February 13, 2025Finally, My Tax Dollars Are Being Used to Uncover Publicly Available Government Information
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February 19, 2025Relax, Everyone—Clarence Thomas Has Got Us
Recently
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February 28, 2025An Open Letter to Lumon Industries Requesting to Please Kindly Insert the Severance Device in My Brain and Keep It on “Innie” Mode for the Next Four Years
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February 28, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Resurrector: Black Square
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February 28, 2025The New Cair Paravel Times Editorial Board Reflects on the First Weeks of the White Witch’s Second Reign
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February 27, 2025Changes Our University Is Making to Pre-Comply with Possible Future Regulations