1. I own a half-gallon container of Kraft Parmesan.
2. My house is carpeted.
3. I thought the movie Waterworld was really good.
4. I’ve never had an affair.
5. I don’t want to have an affair.
6. Nobody wants to have an affair with me.
7. I can’t seem to stay up past 10 pm.
8. I eat Cheez-Its.
9. And, occasionally, meatloaf.
10. I don’t live in New York City.
11. I don’t want to live in New York City.
12. I lived in rural Michigan until I turned eighteen.
13. Then I moved to Ohio.
14. Then I moved back to Michigan.
15. I like living in Michigan.
16. I want to move back to rural Michigan.
17. So that I can raise some chickens.
18. And maybe a goat.
19. I drive a minivan.
20. I think ZZ Top is catchy.
21. I sometimes exercise to a DVD entitled, Dance, Baby, Dance.
22. I once told someone that George Orwell’s Animal Farm was an analog.
23. I purchase Suave hair products.
24. I’ve read more than one Jodi Picoult novel.
25. I’ve read more than one Maeve Binchy novel.
26. I’ve never read anything by David Foster Wallace.
27. I wasted my entire evening writing this list.