To My Fellow Trump Supporters:
We won the election. We won big league. But we have to remember that politics is a not a spectator sport. It does not mean participating once every four years and then forgetting about our duties to our democracy. Now is not the time to get complacent. So where do we go from here?
- Our goal to intimidate and frighten American Muslims has been mostly fulfilled, but there is still more we can do. Is your child bullying Muslims at school? Is your neighborhood watch group targeting Muslims when they walk down the street? Is your police department stopping Muslims in their cars at far higher rates than whites? If not, you need to take control of your family, lobby your neighborhood watch, and start protesting outside your local police station.
- The current White House is occupied by people who have dedicated their lives to law, education, and improving people’s health. The future White House will be occupied by people who have dedicated their lives to building golf courses and casinos. This is a step in the right direction. But there is still more we can do. We must not stop until all cabinet appointments, judicial vacancies, and staff positions are filled by reality TV stars, steak dabblers, and Internet whiz kids from Russia.
- White evangelical Christians voted overwhelmingly for Trump, a fame-obsessed billionaire who built his fortune on the backs of poor immigrants, a serial philanderer, and a sexual assaulter of women who is incapable of humility. This makes sense. But until evangelicals serve as boots on the ground, getting out there and threatening protesters, they aren’t true allies. Please encourage them to do so, while wearing golden capes.
- Over the past few years, members of the LGBT community have started to see what it’s like to enjoy full citizenship rights. This ends now. If you own a business or are a landlord, start discriminating against LGBT customers and renters. In many parts of the country, this is straightforwardly legal. And holy.
- The treatment of women was an extremely important issue this election. Specifically, the mistreatment of women. If you haven’t talked over a female work colleague yet today, do so now. If you haven’t mischaracterized the realities of abortion to such a stunning extent that a disturbed person who hears your words is inspired to violently threaten a Planned Parenthood, then you haven’t served your party.
- Soon, coal mines, oil wells, and natural gas fracking operations will be opened on protected natural land. But why wait? Take a shovel to your nearest forest preserve, dig a giant hole, and then light some trees on fire. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start.
Do not wait. Do not delay. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. So get out there and chant something to the effect that you rightfully control women’s bodies, and that refugees are terrorists. If everyone works together, we can create the kind of country we can all be afraid of.