“It’s a shame the White House has become an adult day care center. Someone obviously missed their shift this morning.” – Republican Senator Bob Corker via Twitter, 10/8/17

- - -

Dear White House presidential care givers, please see the updated list of daily activities, keeping in mind that the ever-changing personnel may affect selection:

  • Mud flinging
  • Spicer Huckabee piggyback rides
  • Unlimited screen time
  • “Lock her up!” sing-along
  • Golf
  • Snack time
  • Yoga with Steve Bannon
  • Nicknames workshop
  • Revisionist history story time with Dinesh D’Souza
  • Snack time II
  • Sitting in a big truck pretending to drive
  • Private jet rides with Tom Price
  • Executive-order signing
  • Golf
  • Bill signing (TBD)
  • Snack time III
  • Make believe with Fox and Friends
  • Reince Priebus’s dunk tank
  • General Kelly’s time out corner
  • Circular firing squads
  • Snack time IV
  • Cultural war-craft with Sebastian Gorka Stephen Miller
  • Hide and seek with Robert Mueller
  • Stunt football protests with Vice President Pence
  • Golf
  • Base rallying
  • Making friendship bracelets for Vladimir Putin with Michael Flynn
  • Making friendship bracelets for Vladimir Putin with Rex Tillerson (check often for personnel updates)
  • Paper-towel roll basketball
  • 2016 presidential election electoral map coloring
  • Snack time V
  • Limited-time special events (“Repeal Obamacare I,” "Repeal Obamacare II, “Scaramucci Week,” “Repeal Obamacare III”)
  • Nuclear code button hunting
  • Golf