Curb Chinese Currency Manipulation by Passing to Brandon Marshall

One year ago, the economic recovery of our great nation was unduly impeded by China’s market-distorting currency manipulation and the Chicago Bears’ inconsistent quarterback play. My controversial prescription at the time was to bench starting quarterback Jay Cutler, thus allowing the Chinese currency to appreciate. Well, head coach Lovie Smith was let off the hook with regards to that potentially unpopular decision when Cutler broke his thumb in the Bears’ 10th game of the season, thrusting second-stringer Caleb Hanie into the starting position. Unfortunately for the team and its fans, Hanie’s performance left something to be desired, that something primarily consisting of completed passes. Journeyman QB Josh McCown eventually relieved Hanie and had his best game against the defending champion Green Bay Packers, a game in which McCown’s own Wikipedia page flatly describes his performance as just “somewhat decent.” Needless to say, the Bears did not finish the season well. And though the value of the Chinese currency did increase as predicted, the Bears did not make an appearance in the postseason. This, of course, is unacceptable. I mean, for crying out loud, what good is fair trade if the Bears miss the playoffs?

But that was last year. Like Cutler after tossing a pick-six, Americans and Chicago sports fans must forget the past and focus on the future. A new season of football is upon us, and the Yuan, while up, is still criminally undervalued. So take heart, Americans/Bears fans, for there is reason to believe this season the offense may be able to score points and the increase the value of the Chinese currency. How? Simple: by passing the ball to Brandon Marshall.

The unequivocal fact is this: when wide receiver Brandon Marshall scores touchdowns, the Chinese currency increases in value relative to the U.S. dollar. Why is that a good thing? A more expensive Yuan is beneficial to the United States because it causes American-made products to become relatively cheaper than Chinese-made products. In an economy such as ours with chronically anemic demand, the difference between the price of American and foreign products can have a huge impact on domestic manufacturers and therefore the domestic economy. A study by the Economic Policy Institute goes as far to suggest that China’s currency manipulation has already cost America 2.7 million jobs over the past ten years.

The skeptics among us may wonder what affect Brandon Marshall can really have on the value of Chinese currency. These skeptics need only look back to 2009 to see the impact Marshall has on the exchange rate. During his final season in Denver, Marshall scored sixty points off ten touchdowns, causing the CNY/USD to jump by an incredible 1.87% between July and December of 2009. How’s that for hard facts?

Even more telling, since China re-pegged its currency to the U.S. dollar during the summer of 2009, the value of the Yuan has consistently increased in accordance with Brandon Marshall’s career point total. It therefore follows that to further increase the value of the Yuan, Brandon Marshall must continue to score touchdowns. And for Brandon Marshall to score touchdowns, Jay Cutler will have to throw the ball in his direction.

The data is clear. But will our leaders in Halas Hall take heed? There are indications that new offensive coordinator Mike Tice may choose to develop a more run-oriented offense. With two quality running backs in Matt Forte and Michael Bush, it’s hard to argue with that sentiment. However, it is absolutely critical for the Bears to make effective use of the passing game to both exploit defenses for large gains and help level the playing field for world trade. Indeed, without a big year from Brandon Marshall, how can we expect to bring manufacturing jobs back to America?

As pub owners across the nation unfurl their Sunday Ticket banners, as school children slap promotional magnetic schedules to their refrigerators, and as grocery store employees stack ziggurats of beer next to bags of corn chips, the nation prepares itself for another season of professional football. And this year, not unlike other years, the stakes couldn’t be higher. Not only does the post-season hopes of the Chicago Bears hang in the balance, but so does the fate of our nation’s economy. Tough questions remain: how will our economic and social policies unfold in such a politically divided atmosphere? How will America get its citizens back to work in an evolving job climate that further bifurcates the haves and the have-nots? How will the Bears’ offensive line keep Jay Cutler from being sacked five times a game? Nobody knows. But that doesn’t mean we must idly stand by and watch from the figurative and literal sidelines. No, we can strengthen America by expressing our demand for Lovie Smith and the Chicago Bears to develop a game plan that puts points on the board and citizens in the workforce. So take to Twitter. Take to the streets. Let the coaching staff–the world–know that we’re ready to see America/the Chicago Bears compete again. Let the world know that we’re going to pass the ball to Brandon Marshall.

Sources

“Josh McCown”. Wikipedia. Web. 28 Aug. 2012.

McQuillen, William. “China Trade Imbalance Costs 2.7 Million U.S. Jobs: Report”. Bloomberg. 23. Aug. 2012. Web. 28 Aug. 2012.