CAREER
Dog People
I’m the first person in and the last to leave. You don’t have to ask me twice to get started on a project. As a matter of fact, if I have any downtime, I’m prone to find other places in my work I might offer help. I like being a part of a team and helping others, so I guess you might say my only shortcoming is that I work TOO hard!
Cat People
I think a work-life balance is crucial to happiness. I love my career and find fulfillment there, but what’s the point if that’s all I think about, day-in-day-out? I meet with a writers’ group every week, volunteer at my local soup kitchen, and run a screen-printing business on the side. My dream is to maybe work remotely in some small beach town in Maine where I can just have a little space to think.
Alligator Snapping Turtle People
AHHHHHHHHHH THE RIVER GIVETH AND THE RIVER TAKETH AWAY! SUSTENANCE COMES TO THE PATIENT ONE, WHO A CRUEL AND HEARTLESS GOD HAS GIVEN A TONGUE TO LURE IN PREY TO THEIR UNTIMELY END. I ONCE BIT INTO A DROPPED CHECKBOOK AHHHHHHHHHH.
COMMUNICATION
Dog People
I believe in honesty above all else. I’ve been told I wear my heart on my sleeve and have a tendency to show my emotions very clearly, but I like to think of that as a strength. I know I can be a little overwhelming. If you need a little space, just let me know.
Cat People
I can be pretty shy and closed off, but if you earn my trust, I’ll open up and tell you everything there is to know about me. If I want to spend time with you, I’ll let you know. If I need some time alone, I’ll let you know. I don’t believe in beating around the bush. Life is too short to put up a front with people.
Alligator Snapping Turtle People
AHHHHHHHHH MY COLD AND UNFEELING EYES COMMUNICATE EVERYTHING! LIKE SAURON PEERING INTO THE DARKEST DEPTHS OF YOUR SOUL, I’VE BROKEN THE SPIRITS OF MEN AND SHATTERED THE CONCEPT OF A JUST AND ORDERED UNIVERSE!
FRIENDS
Dog People
I’m the most outgoing person in my friend group and love meeting new people. I get anxious if I don’t have plans after work, and I’m definitely the person in the group that takes initiative to get people together. In school I was voted “Most Charismatic,” and I guess it never left me!
Cat People
I have a handful of friends who I’m very close with. I like hanging out and relaxing with people who get me and understand that I need a little space once in a while. I won’t text every day, but I’ll definitely stay up late and talk about your favorite books or albums. I’m much more into opening a bottle of wine at home than going out to some crowded dive bar.
Alligator Snapping Turtle People
AHHHHHHHHHH I NEED NONE BUT THE DARKNESS! SOME SEEK THE FRIENDSHIP OF A LITTLE WATER WORM, BUT LO, ‘TIS MY TONGUE THAT DANGLES IN THE DEEP! APPROACH ME MORTALS, BUT ONLY IF YOU WISH TO ENTER THE GATES OF HELL BY WAY OF MY HIDEOUS GULLET!
DATING
Dog People
I tend to be pretty adventurous, so I try to do something new and exciting on a first date. A cool new restaurant, or something outdoors like hiking or a day-trip to the beach, that’s my idea of a good time. I’m also fiercely loyal, so if we click, expect me to take your side through thick and thin.
Cat People
I don’t date a lot, and frankly, I’m fine with that. I’m tired of the pressure from friends to be in a committed relationship all the time. It just sounds like a lot to maintain, and I really value my independence. Last summer I took an impromptu trip to Ireland on my own, and it was amazing. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
Alligator Snapping Turtle People
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH COME TO THE BOTTOM OF MY LAGOON MY QUEEN AND WE SHALL FEAST UPON THE POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS OF SNAKES AND CRAYFISHAHHHHHHHHHH.
SEX
Dog People
I’m definitely more the playful type in bed. I don’t take things too seriously, so I guess at the end of the day, as long as we’re both having a good time then I think we’ve accomplished the goal. I’ve been told I’m pretty generous, too; I’ll make sure to go out of my way to make sure you’re satisfied before I am.
Cat People
It takes a while for me to trust someone, but once I do, I’m very passionate. You can expect me to be a little bit of a deviant, too, but give me time to get comfortable with you. Cuddling and meandering pillow talk afterward are a must.
Alligator Snapping Turtle People
AHHHHHHHHHH I’VE BITTEN OFF FIVE KINDS OF PENIS AHHHHHHHHHH.