The Police — The Firemen
Foo Fighters — Foo Non-Violent Conflict Resolvers
Grateful Dead — Grateful We Got On the Right Dose of Antidepressants Before We’re Dead
Maroon 5 — Maroon 4 Because That One Guy Was Actually Super Toxic
The Jesus and Mary Chain — Jesus and Mary Are No Longer Chained to Gender Norms
The Killers — The Weaponized Incompetence Killers
Tom Waits — Tom Waits for Women to Finish Talking Without Interrupting Them
The Allman Brothers — Not All Men But Enough of Them Brothers
Red Hot Chili Peppers — Evenly Tempered Chili Peppers
Sting — It Stings When You Ignore My Feelings
The Rolling Stones — The Ethically Non-Monogamous Stones
Ween — Now We Know Not to Take Out Our Ween When No One Asked for It
The Strokes — The No Longer Need Ego Strokes
Steely Dan — Emotionally Available Dan
Kings of Leon — Democratically Elected Leaders of Leon
Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band — Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band