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Articles by
Louie Aronowitz
Louie Aronowitz is an award-winning writer, performer, and musician. He is very annoying, speedruns old Nintendo games, and one time stole Hans Zimmer’s lunch. Please hire him.
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December 23, 2024Job Posting: Team Leader for the Maccabees
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July 31, 2024Lesser-Known Goals
of Project 2025 -
June 14, 2024Trolley Problem Variations for Dads
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February 13, 2023Candy Heart Messages After Elon Musk Buys Sweethearts for $44 Billion
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June 29, 2022First Drafts of Classic Movie Quotes
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March 22, 2022First Drafts of the Greatest Opening Sentences in Literature
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October 22, 2021Actually, Sandworm Attacks Have Only a One Percent Death Rate
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May 7, 2021Gregor Samsa’s DIY Mother’s Day Gift Ideas
Trending 🔥
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March 24, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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March 18, 2025Senator Schumer Votes to Let the Big Wooden Horse into Troy
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March 26, 2025Excerpts from a Red-Hot Right-Wing Romance Novel
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March 25, 2025The Plan to Bomb the Middle East Finally Made It Out of the Group Chat
Recently
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April 2, 2025We’re Committed to Brokering Peace in Ukraine; Also We’re Invading Greenland
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April 2, 2025Increasingly Inconvenient MTA Service Advisories
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April 1, 2025I’m a German Citizen in 1933, and Is It Just Me or Is It Really Hard to Get Any Work Done Right Now?
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April 1, 2025An Open Letter to ICE Regarding My Potential Disappearance