The Believer Magazine
Articles by
Louie Aronowitz
Louie Aronowitz is an award-winning writer, performer, and musician. He is very annoying, speedruns old Nintendo games, and one time stole Hans Zimmer’s lunch. Please hire him.
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December 23, 2024Job Posting: Team Leader for the Maccabees
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July 31, 2024Lesser-Known Goals
of Project 2025 -
June 14, 2024Trolley Problem Variations for Dads
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February 13, 2023Candy Heart Messages After Elon Musk Buys Sweethearts for $44 Billion
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June 29, 2022First Drafts of Classic Movie Quotes
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March 22, 2022First Drafts of the Greatest Opening Sentences in Literature
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October 22, 2021Actually, Sandworm Attacks Have Only a One Percent Death Rate
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May 7, 2021Gregor Samsa’s DIY Mother’s Day Gift Ideas
Trending 🔥
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February 10, 2025Voting for the Mayor Who Promised to Blow Up the City Doesn’t Mean I Approve of the Mayor Blowing Up the City
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February 21, 2025Don’t Tread on Me—Unless You’re a Billionaire with a Ketamine Addiction, in Which Case I Enthusiastically Support It
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February 13, 2025Finally, My Tax Dollars Are Being Used to Uncover Publicly Available Government Information
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February 19, 2025Relax, Everyone—Clarence Thomas Has Got Us
Recently
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February 28, 2025An Open Letter to Lumon Industries Requesting to Please Kindly Insert the Severance Device in My Brain and Keep It on “Innie” Mode for the Next Four Years
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February 28, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Resurrector: Black Square
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February 28, 2025The New Cair Paravel Times Editorial Board Reflects on the First Weeks of the White Witch’s Second Reign
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February 27, 2025Changes Our University Is Making to Pre-Comply with Possible Future Regulations