Forgiving Student Debt Is the Right Thing to Do, Which Is Why I, Mitt Romney, Am Against It

“Desperate polls call for desperate measures: Dems consider forgiving trillions in student loans. Other bribe suggestions: Forgive auto loans? Forgive credit card debt? Forgive mortgages? And put a wealth tax on the super-rich to pay for it all. What could possibly go wrong?” – Mitt Romney, 4/27/22

Joe Biden is seriously considering forgiving a portion of the 1.9 trillion dollars that Americans hold in student debt, and I, Mitt Romney, am livid. I can think of nothing more despicable than a politician shamelessly courting votes by delivering on broadly popular policies that help working people.

So if Joe Biden is going to bribe the American people by doing the things they elected him to do, then why stop at student debt forgiveness? Why not also forgive other forms of debt notorious for predatory lending, like auto loans, credit card debt, and mortgage debt? Why not free people from the crushing debt placed on average Americans by the banks we worked so hard to save by bailing out in 2008? Is that what you locos really want?

By that logic, the government should intervene to make affordable housing more accessible for everyone, right? No more landlords doubling the rent because they can, or neighborhoods refusing to allow mixed-income housing developments in their communities? That’s really what people are asking for? Heck, then why not also make housing free for the homeless until they can get back on their feet? Is that seriously what I’m hearing?

What’s next? Should healthcare be completely free? Should people who need insulin to stay alive just be able to get it, just like that? Should people who get cancer no longer have to declare bankruptcy for something that could literally happen to anyone? That’s the insane logic progressives are trying to foist on the American people these days?

Should the government pour billions of tax dollars into transitioning away from fossil fuels and toward renewable sources of energy so we have a habitable planet? You people really think spending a little money to have a habitable planet is a good idea?

So, what, the burden of unregulated capitalism is just not supposed to fall on society’s most vulnerable? Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like that’s the kind of backwards thinking the left is embracing now? No more relentless pursuit of capital, consequences be damned? Okay, your funeral, folks.

Oh, and this is all going to be paid for with increased taxes on people who can easily afford it? The same people who have benefitted the most from living in the United States, and will continue to reap the benefits of a more equal and prosperous society? Got it.

I mean, what could possibly go wrong?