GROK: Grok take first question.
SMARG: Smarg, Neanderthal Post. Grok promise moving of stones so cavemen-from-Southern-Valley not come here and take hunting-and-gathering jobs, and Grok say they will barter. But Grok now try make cavemen-from-our-valley barter.
GROK: Yes, so job start, but cavemen-from-Southern-Valley barter when moving of stones finished — believe Grok.
GROK’S AIDES: Moving of stones! Moving of stones! Moving of stones!
OGI: Ogi, Valley Times—
GROK: Fake drawings on cave walls! Next question!
KWEK: Kwek, Daily Stone. Many valley cavemen concerned about friendliness of Grok to Axon, Chief of Eastern Valley. Axon hunt cavemen who disagree with Axon. Axon not allow free cave-wall drawings. Axon interfere with rock count in our valley by hacking through trees and exposing private stone tablets of opponent. Reply from Grok?
GROK: Look, Age of Stone create confusion. Nobody know if Axon responsible for tree hacking. Maybe Axon. Maybe cavemen from Far-Eastern-Valley. Maybe caveman who eat too much meat crouching on grass bed in cave somewhere.
PHLOG: Phlog, Biped Herald.
GROK: (sarcastically) Beautiful cave-wall drawings.
Grok’s aides laugh and beat their clubs against the ground.
PHLOG: Two-part question. Grok say that Grok not know Axon or barter with Eastern Valley. But Grok brag many times about knowing Axon, and in Year of Cave Crisis, son of Grok say much barter for family of Grok coming from Eastern Valley. Which statements true? Second, Central Valley Cave conclude Axon order tree hacking. Grok ignore this and not even read daily stone tablets from Central Valley Cave —why?
GROK: Grok not need read same boring tablets every day. Grok highly, highly taught in best tool-making caves. Grok, like, smart caveman.
PHLOG: And first part of question?
GROK: Bink, New Mammoth!
BINK: Thank Grok. Before rock count, Grok promise that Grok will act “most like valley chief in prehistory.” But now that Grok valley chief, Grok still use crow caw many times every day for Grok criticize anything Grok dislike — even Harvest Day Live.
GROK: Crow caw modern form of communication that Grok use so cave-wall drawers cannot lie about what Grok say. And Harvest Day Live terrible. Grok much funnier.
Grok’s aides laugh boisterously.
GROK: Grok not make joke.
His aides immediately fall silent.
CLON: Clon, Cro-Magnon Courier. When will Grok reveal meat supply in inner caves?
GROK: Grok not reveal until cavemen-from-Inner-Valley finish counting meat supply of Grok. Grok focus on more important things, like draining of swamp to east so cavemen can drink delicious water from swamp.
GROK’S AIDES: Draining of swamp! Draining of swamp! Draining of swamp!
CLON: But all valley chiefs since Year of Heavy Rains reveal meat supply—
GROK: Valley cavemen not care about meat supply of Grok. Grok won rock count, okay? Grok won rock count by so much it cause landslide with rocks.
CLON: But Grok won only cave count; Grok lost total rock count.
GROK: If Grok want win rock count, Grok visit biggest caves on both sides of valley! Drawers on cave walls say, “Grok party never win cave-near-lake, why Grok even bother visit cave-near-lake?” Then Grok visit and win cave-near-lake! And if cavemen who put rocks in two different caves not counted, Grok easily win total rock count! Drawers on cave walls try ruin most tremendous, tremendous night of life of Grok!
CLON: But drawers on cave walls not talk about total rock count — Grok bring up again and again. Grok also brag about size of crowd at fire celebration of Grok when clearly much smaller than fire celebration of Zog; even Australopithecus can see difference.
GROK: Fire celebration of Grok bigger than for Zog and biggest in prehistory — look at beautiful drawing circling around cave walls! Yellow rock in sky come out moment Grok begin uplifting speech, “Valley Slaughter”! Grok not care about absence of overrated “A-list” cavemen — everyone else worship Grok! Grok finally receive love that father of Grok never provide!
Grok looks sternly at his aides.
GROK’S AIDES: Grok! Grok! Grok!
GROK: Grok done answering unfair questions! All drawers on failing cave walls near main stream in valley worse than pile of rotting animal carcass!
Grok retreats into his cave, then pops out with a cawing crow.
GROK: Except Wolf News. Interview tonight when moon appear — enjoy!