It’s actually funny to me and not something that makes me mad that your office returned my business license application with the cartoonishly large word DENIED stamped right across the first page (in red ink) and several needlessly specific and not hurtful comments about why I am not allowed to open a meat store named and “creepily modeled after” (your words) Taylor Swift (the very famous musician).
It’s really too bad (for you, not for me; I am laughing a lot) that your office is unable to appreciate the artistry and commercial appeal of the Taylor Swift likeness I have carved into a side of beef (marbling makes this difficult) and promotional photos from the Eras Tour that I have screen-printed onto a country ham (they do this with cakes all the time; it is not weird simply because it is a country ham). People keep suggesting that it bothers me (it does not) that I so far have been unable to secure a small business loan (job creator) for my proposed meat concern, when that very dumb and wrong idea could not be further from the truth (I have unfortunately already purchased all of the meat and it is in the trunk of my car).
You state in your hilarious-to-me response that my business plan raises “a host of intellectual property concerns” (I do not know what that means, but it does not make me mad). You go on to state, in a way that makes me simply laugh and laugh because of how funny it is, that I “cannot just use Taylor Swift’s name and image for profit” without some indication that she has “consented to” or “endorsed” that use or “is even aware of it.” Hilariously (to me), you assume—without even asking (I am smiling)—that I do not have Taylor Swift’s blessing to use her name based on the simple fact that several of the pages are “covered in blood and grease” (I accidentally left the application in the trunk of my car while drag racing). Ha! Ha ha (sound of laughter)!
Hmmmm, curious, no? All this focus on “intellectual property” (fake?), and yet your office fails to even mention all of the health and safety concerns associated with my plan (I do not know what animals most of the meat came from)?
Uhhhhh, priorities much?
Part of what’s so funny to me about your failure to appreciate this golden business opportunity with so much potential that it does not make me want to vomit with how mad your denial makes me (laughter, actually) is that I spent basically even less than an entire weekend (three-day) filling out the application by myself (triplicate) instead of attending my niece’s birthday party (free ice cream), which I was definitely invited to and not only because my mother guilted my sister into it (I had to promise not to bring a ground-beef sculpture of Travis Kelce).