1.
Directly before my cousin and her soon-to-be husband took their wedding vows. Upon waking up, I was told by the wedding photographer (who was only masquerading as a wedding photographer and was actually a nurse) that I’d knocked my head quite loudly against the wooden pew but we never found a tell-tale bump.
2.
At Mass.
3.
While waiting for my dentist’s receptionist to schedule my next appointment. My dentist tried to blame the spell on the (previously administered) laughing gas but I refused to let her because it meant that I would be forever denied my laughing gas.
4.
On a playground, in the middle of July, while refereeing a game of hopscotch. Which isn’t a game that needs a referee but I was being indulgent. My collapsing onto the cracked and heat-weakened asphalt frightened the children.
5.
After I delivered my line but before I walked off-stage during an early rehearsal for “Up the Down Staircase,” in which I only had five lines and did not feel guilty for using my episode as an excuse to miss over half of the rehearsals.
6.
At Mass, again.
7.
In the middle of a horrible rendition of “La Vie En Rose” for my voice instructor. He billed me for the time I spent passed out on his floor.
8.
Mass, once more. I’ve done a lot of fainting at Mass.
9.
While staring at the “We Listen” poster that hangs in the stockroom at work. This poster encourages Barnes & Noble employees to contact Mike Berry, the president of the company, if they have a complaint or suggestion. I had to discourage my co-worker from calling up Mr. Berry and asking him who moved our cheese. I did not think he would be amused. This all happened after I’d been revived, though.