Your families are embroiled in a bitter feud.
Not a red flag. This is a problem that couples have faced throughout history, and most of them have solved it by agreeing to never host an extended family Thanksgiving.
You’re thirteen years old.
Not a red flag, as long as he is also a teenager. But if he is a much older suitor (let’s say, for example, a forty-nine-year-old with a history of never dating anyone over twenty-five), this should probably give you pause.
He was recently in love with your cousin Rosaline, and he has been going on at length about how no girl could ever be as beautiful as her.
Not a red flag. Rosaline’s like a solid nine, so , honestly, you get it.
He crashed your family’s party, and his main reason for doing so was to get another chance at putting the moves on Rosaline.
Not a red flag. Because, again, Rosaline’s a catch. And at the end of the day, you feel confident that fate will be a much stronger force than whatever was drawing him to Rosaline — probably her knockers.
He routinely and loudly compares you to the sun.
Not a red flag. Data shows that guys who wax poetic in public are five times more likely to help with childcare, so if you’re in it for the long haul, you might be able to save on wetnurse costs.
He invites you to his church, and the youth pastor there starts immediately pushing for the two of you to get married.
Not a red flag. His youth pastor probably just wants to make sure you get to experience the wildest, most mind-blowing sex there is — which, as he has already explained to you in detail, can only occur between two inexperienced virgins wedded in holy matrimony. So, there’s nothing alarming about that.
Your cousin challenges him to a duel, and he refuses to fight, and then his best friend ends up taking his place, getting mortally wounded, and using his final breath to call down a plague on both your houses.
It’s not ideal, but it doesn’t have to be a red flag as long as you’re the sort of person who doesn’t believe in plague stuff.
He kills your cousin to avenge his best friend’s death.
Not a red flag. These things happen, especially when families fail to create the extended-gathering boundaries discussed earlier. Plus, everyone who knew your cousin was shocked that he made it this far.
The prince banishes him from your hometown.
Not a red flag. Because you’ve already hit up all the spaghetti and meatball joints in Verona, and this will finally motivate you to get out of your local date-spot rut.
He claims he would rather die than be parted from you.
Alas, this is a red flag. Way too many guys make statements like this without really meaning them. Looks like you are going to have to fake your own death and see if he’s willing to back up those words with some action. Just be prepared to follow suit if you’ve made similar claims.