“When a champion is crowned at the end of the NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball Tournament, it doesn’t feel official until their highlights are accompanied by ‘One Shining Moment,’ a song that has become synonymous with March Madness.” — The Sporting News
Player on team that lost national championship game: -100
Player on team that won national championship game: -100
Player on any team in tournament who has weird facial hair: -100
Player on team that lost national championship game crying: -250
Player on team that won national championship game crying: -500
Player on any team in tournament who has weird facial hair and is crying: -1000
Player tipping the jump ball: +100
Player hitting a buzzer beater: -200
Player hitting a buzzer beater and they are so confident that it is going in that they don’t look at it after they shoot it: -1000
Player making an amazing defensive play: -200
Player making an okay defensive play but slaps the floor afterward like it was an amazing defensive play: -300
Player making a very mediocre defensive play but slaps the floor anyway because they play for Duke: -500
Player and coach hugging (happy): -100
Player and coach hugging (sad): -200
Player making an amazing slam dunk: -500
Coach making an amazing slam dunk: +500
Coach on the team that lost the national championship: -100
Coach on the team that won the national championship: -500
Coach on any team in the tournament and they do a weird little dance in the locker room that goes on uncomfortably too long: -250
Player on cinderella team: +100
Coach on cinderella team: +250
Cinderella (2015) actress Lily James: +500
Cinderella (2021) actress Camila Cabello: +600
Cinderella frontman Tom Keifer: +1000
Cinderella team’s mascot: +200
Cinderella team’s mascot dressed like Cinderella: +1000
Mascot on team that won the national championship: -250
Mascot on team that lost the national championship: -300
Mascot that does a weird little dance, but it never feels like it’s been going on too long because they’re a mascot: -250
Live animal mascot on the sideline: -100
Not really sure whether the mascot is supposed to be an animal or not: -200
Unofficial mascot who’s older than one hundred: +100
Cheerleader on champion team: -100
Cheerleader on underdog team: +200
Cheerleader standing on shoulders of another cheerleader: +100
Cheerleader standing on shoulders of another cheerleader, but they are wearing a trench coat like two children trying to trick people into thinking they are an adult: +1000
Cheerleader making an amazing slam dunk: +500
Player playing through injury: -200
Coach coaching through injury: +200
Player or coach who is actively in jury duty: +500
Player diving into the stands to save a ball from going out of bounds: -100
Player diving into the stands to fight a mascot: +1000
Player making a successful no-look pass: -100
Player hit in face after unsuccessful no-look pass: +500
A “media offline” flash frame: +500
Band members doing synchronized dance: -100
Band member in silly outfit: -200
Band member playing unusual instrument: -250
Band member playing unusual instrument but really hamming it up: -300
Band member playing unusual instrument while crying: -400
Jim Nantz (voice): -1000
Jim Nantz (sitting on sideline): +100
Luther Vandross (voice): -1000
Luther Vandross (sitting on sideline): +10000000
Fan with clever sign: -100
Fan with clever sign incorporating the lyrics to “One Shining Moment”: -200
Fan with clever sign incorporating the script to The Shining: +500
Fan celebrating an upset like it’s V-J Day in Time Square: -1000
Fan on the other end of that upset (crying): -100
Player or coach winking and it’s caught on camera: -250
Player or coach winking with sexual tension and it’s caught on camera: +500
Player pounding their chest to signal “my bad”: -500
Player pounding their chest proudly: -250
Player pounding back a couple of cold ones during the game: +1000
Coach screaming to “get back on defense”: +150
Group of fans with DEFENSE painted across their chest: -150
Group of fans with DEFENCE painted across their chest: -250
Fan in head-to-toe body paint: +250
Fan in head-to-toe body crayon: +500
Child fan attending their first game: -100
Child fan attending their first game dancing: -150
Child fan attending their first game crying: -1000
Player on team that’s not in tournament: +10000
Famous alumni: -100
Famous alumni and they’re really hamming it up with an unusual instrument: +400
Famous alumni that does a weird little dance, but it never really looks too weird or feels like it’s been going on too long, because everything looks cooler when you’re famous: +200