15. Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (1974)
“This one was nominated for a bunch of Oscars, which is really impressive for a romantic comedy about a chick. I haven’t seen it.”

14. Gangs of New York (2002)
“Daniel Day-Lewis is method, which is something male actors do to make headlines. He got pneumonia while filming this movie and refused medical attention, because of the method. Don’t ask me what that has to do with acting, but he’s amazing. This is the only time he’s ever worked with Scorsese, except for in The Age of Innocence, which isn’t a real Scorsese movie, though I’ve heard it’s pretty good for a Jane Austen adaptation. It also stars Leonardo DiCaprio in, I believe, his first film role.”

13. Shutter Island (2010)
“A gripping, Hitchcockian psychological thriller about the horrors of war and its enduring trauma on soldiers. It hit me hard because I’ve been diagnosed with P.T.S.D. from playing Halo. You know what? Leonardo DiCaprio is actually a really good actor.”

12. The Aviator (2004)
“Leonardo DiCaprio is actually a really good actor.”

11. The Departed (2006)
“Mark Wahlberg is actually a really good actor.”

10. The Last Waltz (1978)
“The greatest concert documentary of all-time. It’s about The Band. They were a band, in the ‘70s, and a lot of other legendary classic rock acts are in this too, like Neil Young and Bob Dylan. Have you heard of them? I’ll make you a playlist.”

9. The Last Temptation of Christ (1988)
“A meditation on God, faith, the conflict between lust and honor, the spiritual and the carnal. Basically it’s about Jesus — if he fucked. He probably did, because men, we can’t help ourselves, which is why Louis C.K. didn’t really do anything wrong. If you think about it, he actually showed a lot of restraint. Now, I’m not saying Louie is Jesus. I’m saying I worship him as if he were Jesus. I just bought tickets to see him on tour. I can’t wait.”

8. The Irishman (2019)
“Pacino, De Niro, Pesci, Keitel. Romano, Maniscalco, Norton. Jim, not Ed. He’s a comic. He’s hilarious, but you wouldn’t like him.”

7. The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)
“Condemns capitalism as it celebrates those who’ve taken advantage of it… but also condemns them. I think. I was an econ major but I never went to class. It’s the third best Margot Robbie performance, after the one where she explains the financial crisis in a bathtub and the one where she plays the central character, a tragic Hollywood icon, and has three lines. She has great chemistry with Leonardo DiCaprio, who’s actually a really good actor.”

6. The King of Comedy (1982)
“It’s a better version of Joker.”

5. Mean Streets (1973)
“A Fellini-esque coming-of-age story about the Italian American experience starring Harvey Keitel and Robert De Niro, both practically vibrating with youthful energy, just like me and my boys senior year. As in much of Scorsese’s work, a major theme is Catholic guilt, which is what a man feels when he has sex with a woman who’s not a virgin.”

4. Casino (1995)
“This one is a gangster movie, but it has a female character. She’s a hustler, former prostitute, and drug addict, and also she’s blond, but you’d probably find her relatable.”

3. Raging Bull (1980)
“The best sports film ever made. You probably wouldn’t like it.”

2. Taxi Driver (1976)
“It’s a better version of Joker.”

1.Goodfellas (1990)
“I may be a W.A.S.P. accountant who grew up in suburban Wisconsin and has never seen a gun or met an Italian, but I’ve never related to a piece of art more. The best friggin’ movie ever made, and it only gets better and more relevant with age. For example, if you watch it now, it explains why Bernie would have won the election.”