MISSING:
Local high school teacher lost in overly elaborate metaphor using an object he only held a cursory knowledge of when explaining a straightforward concept. Last seen at parent-teacher conferences.
Here are reports from fellow staff members and parents:
“It all started when he was explaining the relationship between the student, teacher, and district. He brought up a car to help explain his point. I don’t think he knew much about cars. His teacher blog mentions he went to school for creative writing.”
“I remember him comparing himself to the steering wheel, then he backtracked and clarified that the students were the steering wheel and he was the gas pedal.”
“I was not a fan of him lauding stick-shifts. He kept pointing to European choice high school models… actually, that’s just what I think he meant… he never clarified his manual vs. automatic point.”
“When he confidently said ‘carburetor,’ I lost him. I knew he was gone.”
“It was weird, the auto shop teacher walked by in tears. And this teacher winked at him! Was this an inside thing?”
“I think the clarification regarding unleaded gasoline and social-emotional learning was too much.”
“Kelly Gallagher books are not the manual of the ’05 Corolla that is inquiry-based language arts curriculum.”
“It’s only his second year teaching… where did he get the idea to compare everything to a decade-old sedan?”
If you’ve seen him, please try to disrupt his explanations with phrases like, “Oh, now I get it.”; “So at the end of the day, culturally-responsive teaching is the air conditioner!”; or a simple, “Look! The ghost of Faulkner!”