My life coach Terry got me athletic shorts. They are made of mesh, hang loosely, and will likely work in any sport situation should it arise. In my athletic shorts I can walk to the grocery, to the video store, or the hotdog stand. I can walk to my sister’s apartment for snacks. I can walk to my mother’s house and borrow money. But probably I will drive. In my mesh athletic shorts I am free.
My life coach Terry got me a tank top to match my athletic shorts. Everywhere I go, people stop and give me an Is that athletic wear? look. I can wear my tank top with jean shorts, sweatpants, and stretch pants. I can wear my tank top with no pants. “Is that a nightshirt?” people ask. I tell them, “No, this is a tank top my life coach Terry got me.”
I could belong to one of any number of fitness clubs. In my athletic shorts and tank top I could attend spin classes, sweaty yoga, or regular yoga. And I could meet new people. We could walk the treadmills together, making small talk about pets, our favorite television shows, or other fitness related topics. I could forge friendships with athletic men and tall women. We could sit in the steam room and exchange stories, laughing hysterically when things are funny. Or we could sit in the steam room and say nothing. And it wouldn’t be boring. No one could call me boring.
In my athletic shorts and tank top, I could go to my cousin Jared’s house. We could play military-inspired video games. We could watch martial arts videos or look at bikini calendars. Because I belonged to a fitness club and had the clothing to prove it, I could play tackle football with Jared and the guys. They would pass the ball to me and say things like, “This play is for you, Dennis!”
Afterwards, Jared and the guys could take me to the bar. We could drink canned beer and talk about car repair. Jared and the guys could complain about their old ladies. In my athletic shorts and tank top I could have an old lady and Jared and the guys would respect me.
My life coach Terry says anything is possible. He gave me athletic shorts and a tank top. Then he put a blindfold over my eyes and told me to visualize all my wildest dreams coming true.