Ninth graders like pills and Hawaiian Punch. Ninth graders like Jessica Rabbit. Ninth graders like to pop their collars. Ninth graders like Transformers 3 and peanut-butter-and-cheese-cracker snack packs. Ninth graders like SpongeBob. Ninth graders like highlighters. Ninth graders like fixed-gear bikes. Ninth graders like discussing their favorite brands. Ninth graders like asking what time it is. Ninth graders like dubstep. Ninth graders like putting big spaces between the words on their handwritten essays. Ninth graders like going over their names in different-colored inks and adding hearts. Ninth graders like dancing whenever music is on. Ninth graders like borrowing the teacher’s mirror to scope their pimples. Ninth graders like comparing shoe sizes. Ninth graders like beanies. Ninth graders like taping their hands to the sides of their heads and screaming, and then screaming more when the tape is ripped off. Ninth graders like noticing which ninth graders have squeaky voices and asking whether those ninth graders have gone through puberty yet. Ninth graders like conspiracy theories. Ninth graders like large stuffed animals. Ninth graders like trying to guess people’s ethnicities. Ninth graders like beating on their desks with their fists. Ninth graders like walking to the open classroom door when they have to break wind. Ninth graders like looking at the floor when they have made mistakes. Ninth graders like asking for seconds before firsts are finished. Ninth graders like wearing lots of necklaces. Ninth graders like guessing when they don’t know an answer. Ninth graders like climbing on to roofs and laughing when they are accused of being high. Ninth graders like asking teachers if they like to get high. Ninth graders like miming the act of smoking. Ninth graders like using the word “whore” as many times as possible in their essays about the role of women in The Odyssey. Ninth graders like referring to a semicolon as “the winky face.” Ninth graders like wearing their backpacks even while they are sitting down at their desks. Ninth graders like the idea of Veterinarian’s Day better than Veteran’s Day. Ninth graders like being frank about heartbreak. Ninth graders like cutting in lines and complaining about people who cut in lines. Ninth graders like boycotts and strikes. Ninth graders like learning colorful expressions in Yiddish. Ninth graders like discovering that a teacher has a drinking problem. Ninth graders like cardigans. Ninth graders like drinking chocolate milk until their stomachs cramp up. Ninth graders like picking on the kid with the fat head. Ninth graders like sausage pizza, bacon cheeseburgers, and Oreo milkshakes at the same meal. Ninth graders like complaining that they were bored on vacation. Ninth graders like asking if they will be missed over the weekend. Ninth graders like chanting “ass, ass, ass” under their breath when a pretty lady teacher walks by. Ninth graders like taking more than their fair share. Ninth graders like asking if they can put their heads down on their desks. Ninth graders like describing the contents of their mini-fridges. Ninth graders like taking pictures in the mirror of themselves making weird fishy-faces and using both hands to form the shape of a heart. Ninth graders like picking a favorite color and trying to wear that color every day. Ninth graders like subtracting the middle letters from the cuss words they say and aggressively emphasizing the empty spaces they once occupied. Ninth graders like saying everything in a “Morgan Freeman voice.” Ninth graders like taking out and organizing all the snacks they intend to eat over the course of the school day and identifying the periods during which they intend to eat them. Ninth graders like coming into a classroom sweaty and complaining that the classroom stinks. Ninth graders like being frank about their bowel movements. Ninth graders like posting disturbing pictures on Facebook and liking them. Ninth graders like Chris Brown. Ninth graders like wearing pajamas to school. Ninth graders like verbal irony. Ninth graders like spending real money to buy fake money so they can make it rain in class. Ninth graders like trying to play basketball with their backpacks on. Ninth graders like noticing when other ninth graders are blushing. Ninth graders like teaching their pets how to do popular dance moves. Ninth graders like remembering back when they were into Kony. Ninth graders like jokes about Nazism. Ninth graders like drawing penises on desks. Ninth graders like hating their orthodontists. Ninth graders like waxing philosophical about “the ideal woman.” Ninth graders like faking conniptions. Ninth graders like saying that they are “hungie.” Ninth graders like narcissism. Ninth graders like wiping their dirty fingers on their pants. Ninth graders like all of the Friday movies. Ninth graders like sitting in a circle and singing Adele in unison. Ninth graders like dunk contests on 8.5-foot rims. Ninth graders like grimacing when they say they have to go to the bathroom. Ninth graders like making lists of all the bands they know. Ninth graders like crying when they realize they are going to fail. Ninth graders like realizing they are going to fail when it is too late to avoid failing. Ninth graders like showing off their hickies. Ninth graders like dressing as “music producers” on Career Day. Ninth graders like watching the fight and drinking Mickeys with the boys. Ninth graders like comparing themselves to sports cars and video game characters. Ninth graders like manipulating their sunburns with tape and rubber bands. Ninth graders like Napoleon Bonaparte. Ninth graders like overdosing on prescription medication in class. Ninth graders like unreliable narrators. Ninth graders like accusing one another of being “part of the system.” Ninth graders like confronting friends with snacks, holding out a hand, and saying, “Snack me out!” Ninth graders like game day. Ninth graders like Mitt Romney. Ninth graders like asking teachers if they ever ball so hard. Ninth graders like putting their legs through the sleeves of their sweat-jackets and waddling around campus. Ninth graders like kicking any ball that rolls across their path. Ninth graders like having the hiccups. Ninth graders like going to the wrong classes. Ninth graders like adding “though” to the end of every sentence (“I’m hungry, though”; “That Kanye album, though”; “Check my new Nikes, though”). Ninth graders like wearing short skirts on Career Day. Ninth graders like disappearing at parent conferences. Ninth graders like shrugging. Ninth graders like writing notes to inform teachers when the teachers are no longer considered “friends.” Ninth graders like starting essays with “Well.” Ninth graders like assuming that all songs on the subject of drinking are advocating drinking. Ninth graders like e-cigarettes. Ninth graders like referring to a pretty lady teacher’s retreating behind as “that ultimate exit.” Ninth graders like practicing their “harsh vocals.” Ninth graders like asking teachers for advice on how to talk to girls. Ninth graders like referring to things that are new as “young.”