“Prices at the grocery store have risen for many foods, but the cost of eggs climbed the most in the last year and consumers have scrambled to keep up.” – PBS
Well, well, well, if it isn’t Mr. Big Shot eating an egg for breakfast. You do understand people are suffering, right? They can’t pay their rent. They can’t afford their medications. And yet here you are, eating an egg for breakfast.
Look at Mr. Money Bags over here eating his egg-white omelet. Imagine having so much cash you can just let the most nutrient-rich part of the egg slip down the drain. Hold your breath, Scrooge McDuck, because you must be drowning in liquid assets. You are the 1 percent.
What are you, the heir to a chicken farm?
Oh, how nice, Mr. Fancy Pants brought an egg salad sandwich for lunch. You trying to big time me? You think you’re better than me? Sorry, I can’t afford to mash eggs into an egg-based condiment. Sorry, my parents didn’t leave me a trust fund. Sorry, I can’t pay Fabergé egg prices for free-range chicken eggs. Maybe someday I’ll buy some medium brown cage frees—if I ever hit $31 million in the lottery.
What’s next? You gonna use that trust fund to buy a goose farm so your gaggle of geese can lay a bunch of eggs, and you can go around and collect them in a little basket? Take it easy, Veruca.
Any other delicacies on the menu today? You gonna cook a nice quiche lorraine for dinner? Try not to drop any crumbs on your cummerbund. You gonna have Julia Child come to your mansion and bake you a soufflé? Careful you don’t let it fog up your monocle. You gonna ring your butler at midnight and ask him to scramble you up a bedtime frittata while you watch Jimmy Fallon in surround sound from the comfort of your home entertainment theater?
Well, Mr. Big Time, we are thrilled to see you thriving on your all-egg diet, with your strong fingernails, and your glossy mane, and enough energy to stay alert until bedtime. Meanwhile, the rest of us are getting our protein from tins of sardines and jumbo cans of Goya black beans we pull from the dumpster behind the Costco. Must be nice, sir. Must be nice.
Anyway, hope you enjoy the rest of your afternoon. What else do you have on the docket today, Daddy Warbucks? Are you going to rent out Disney World to ride all the rides alone? You gonna take a quick trip to the edge of space? You gonna go egg some poor people’s houses?
What, you have high cholesterol? Check your privilege.