You recently sent out a damaging tweet, and someone who cares wants you to consult this rubric. By answering these simple questions, you can determine whether you should be tweeting right now, or at all.
Is this a comment on race?
If yes, don’t tweet.
Is this a comment on women’s issues?
If yes, don’t tweet.
Does this address the LGBTQ community?
If yes, don’t tweet.
Are you famous?
If yes, don’t tweet.
Are you not famous?
If yes, don’t tweet.
Did you only read one book last year?
No tweeting or reproducing please.
Is this about your stupid seasonal affective disorder?
If yes, don’t tweet.
But it’s really bad.
Get over it.
Have you ever described yourself as an “ass-man?”
If yes, don’t tweet.
Do you live in New York and not like the television shows ‘Louie’ and ‘Broad City’?
How.
Have you ever started a sentence with, “The Jews…?”
If yes, don’t tweet.
Do you not go down on women?
No tweeting or reproducing please.
Is this about the new Kendrick Lamar album?
SO GOOD.
Wait, are you white?
Yeah.
Don’t tweet too much.
Too late.
Were you born in Florida?
No tweeting or reproducing please.
I’m tired of Florida jokes.
Me too, but then I meet another person from Florida, and it’s like, what are you?
Are you a comedian trying to hone his or her craft?
If yes, don’t tweet.
Are you a human who makes mistakes?
If yes, don’t tweet.
Does any of this matter?
No.