Something I Said While in Labor or While Trying to Put a King-Sized Duvet Cover On a Duvet?

1. “Fuuuuuuuuh.”

2. “Nope. There’s no way it’ll fit.”

3. “I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t do it.”

4. “Did I just poo a little?”

5. “Oh come on, baby, come on. We got this.”

6. “Facing the wrong way? Are you fucking serious?”

7. “Jesus Christ, never again. Never doing this again, I swear.”

8. “Why was this even designed this way? It makes no sense.”

9. “There’s got to be a better way.”

10. “Drugs. Yes. Drugs, please.”

11. “I hate this.”

12. “Let me just rest here. I just… fuck. This is crazy.”

13. “Water, please.”

14. “Would squatting help?”

15. “I CAN’T DO THIS. I CAN’T FUCKING DO THIS.”

16. “Ah fuck, it burns.”

17. “FUUUUUUUUUUUH.”

18. “No, no vacuum. No. Get that out of here.”

19. “I feel the urge to push.”

20. “Is there something I can hold on to?”

21. “I’M PUSHING.”

22. “It actually helps when I close my eyes.”

23. “Ah shit, I think something just tore.”

Labor: 1, 17
Duvet: 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23