The Beautiful Poetry of Donald Trump

I’m really rich¹

I’m very proud of my new crystal collection²
I have a Gucci store that’s worth more than Romney³
I order thousands of televisions a year⁴
Six people do nothing but sort my mail⁵
Sorry haters and losers!⁶
He who has the gold makes the rules⁷

1. Presidential bid announcement at Trump Tower, 16 June 2015
2. Tweet promoting his ‘Elmsford’ crystal collection, 13 September 2011
3. Interview with the Des Moines Register, 1 June 2015
4. Speech in Hilton Head, South Carolina, 30 December 2015
5. Playboy interview, 2004
6. Tweet congratulating Rush Limbaugh on 26th anniversary of broadcast career, 5 August 2014
7. Tweet sharing the golden rule of marketing, 21 March 2013

I am the least racist person there is¹

I’ve always had a great relationship with the blacks²
I remained strong for Tiger Woods during his difficult period³
Oprah, I love Oprah. Oprah would always be my first choice⁴
Kanye West – I love him⁵
I think Eminem is fantastic, and most people think I wouldn’t like Eminem⁶
And did you know my name is in more black songs than any other name in hip-hop?⁷
You are the racist, not I⁸

1. Fox & Friends, Fox News, 9 May 2011
2. Interview on Talk1300 AM, 14 April 2011
3. Tweet referencing Tiger Woods’ marital infidelity and later victory at Trump National Doral, 20 March 2013
4. In answer to a question about possible VP picks in an interview with Larry King, 7 October 1999
5. Press conference, 3 September 2015
6. Playboy interview, 1 October 2004
7. Playboy interview, 1 October 2004
8. Annotation by Trump on article by Jonathan Capehart, which he sent to the journalist – tweeted by Capehart, July 8, 2015

Everybody loves me¹

Tom Brady loves me²
The people of New York, they love me³
Upstate New York, I’m like the most popular person that’s ever lived⁴
The bikers love me⁵
You know who loves me? The Tea Party, the evangelicals⁶
My children could not love me more if I spent fifteen times more time with them⁷
The vets love me⁸
The African Americans love me⁹
The Asians love me¹⁰
Many Hispanics who love me¹¹
Most conservatives love me¹²
Society loves me¹³
You are going to love me¹⁴
Or I will spill the beans on your wife!¹⁵

1. Interview with Anderson Cooper, CNN, 8 July 2015
2. Interview with Bob Woodward and Robert Costas, 8 April 2016
3. Address to supporters in Lawrenceville, New Jersey, CSPAN, 20 May 2016
4. Interview with CNN, 21 February 2016
5. Washington This Week, CSPAN, 3 April 2016
6. CNN Tonight with Don Lemon, CNN, 30 September 2015
7. New York Magazine, 13 December 2004
8. Morning Joe, MSNBC, 24 July 2015
9. Media Buzz, Fox News, 25 January 2016
10. First Look, MSNBC, 4 September 2015
11. America This Morning, ABC, 9 October 2015
12. Meet the Press, NBC, 24 January 2016
13. Anderson Cooper 360 GOP Town Hall, CNN, 19 February 2016
14. Remarks at Iowa State Fair on how he believed people would respond to his immigration policies, 15 August 2015
15. Tweet threatening Ted Cruz, 22 March 2016

My hands are normal hands¹

I buy a slightly smaller than large glove²
The five fingers represent the five key factors every
entrepreneur dreaming of success must master³

1 Meeting with the Washington Post editorial board, 21 March 2016
2 Interview with Wolf Blitzer, CNN, 21 March 2016
3 Tweet promoting (and quoting from) his book The Midas Touch, 6 April 2012

What’s going on? What’s going on?¹

Does my family like me?²
Where are the women?³
Why is this reporter touching me as I leave news conference?⁴
What is in her hand?⁵
I don’t know which microphones to hold⁶
My hair – should I change it?⁷
I’m sort of like, what am I doing?⁸
I don’t want to be President. I’m 100% sure⁹

1. Victory speech in New Hampshire, 9 February 2016
2. Presidential bid announcement at Trump Tower, 16 June 2015
3. Referring to Syrian refugees at a campaign rally in Newton, Iowa, 11 November 2016
4, 5. Tweet, 29 March 2016. It was a pen.
6. First solo White House press conference, 16 February 2017
7. Tweet, 10 March 2013
8. Campaign rally in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina, Key Capitol Hill hearings, 8 December 2015
9. Playboy interview, March 1990

For more beautiful words from this stable genius, buy Rob Sears’ “strictly unauthorized” collection, The Beautiful Poetry of Donald Trump.