For years, I worshiped the ground she walked on, until I finally got fed up and told her: “I want a divorce. I’m tired of you walking on my Sacred Lawn.”
Please help support our writers and keep our site ad-free by becoming a patron.
McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
Join our Patreon at $10/month (or more) and receive a coupon for a discount on the Decorative Gourd Beanie, Gourd mugs, and our glorious new Advent Calendar. Help support our writers and keep our site ad-free.
Suggested Reads
-
March 29, 2011Total Loss: A Column About Inventorying Other People’s Tragedies: Column 10: Laugh, Love, Smile
-
April 6, 2016I Stopped Reading Your Screenplay to Save Our Marriage
-
March 30, 2010Julian Lennon, On the Eve of his Parents’ Divorce, Sits Through a New Song by Uncle Paul
-
October 19, 2009Dan Liebert, Verbal Cartoonist: Tom Cruise Science Fiction Movies
Trending 🔥
-
November 8, 2024Updates on the Arc of the Moral Universe
-
November 6, 2024Here’s Why a Second Death Star Won’t Be That Bad
-
November 6, 2024I Don’t Hate Women Candidates. I Just Thought an Erratic and Vindictive Criminal Was Worthier of My Vote Than a Woman Candidate
-
November 8, 2024Finally, the Elites Have Been Defeated by the Billionaires